One day at a time

Thank you so much for your well wishes on yesterday's post.

I have to say that I have a new found respect for people with chronic illness who deal with pain everyday.

At least I have the comfort of knowing that eventually the pain from the shingles will go away  and I just need to hang in there and push through each  day.

Today, I woke up  in the worst pain yet and every movement hurt. Brushing my teeth hurt, lifting my arms to put my tee shirt on hurt, leaning over to put my socks on hurt. It was a rough, rough day.

Thankfully, Liam is mostly self sufficient, but I don't think he 'gets' how painful this is for me and he is not used to seeing me like this.  The last time I was completely incapacitated was when I broke my tailbone in 2005, and I don't think he remembers that.  Anyway, we muddled along today and I got him to do the vacuuming, take out the recycling and garbage and tidy up a little.  I still have lots of laundry to do and since I need to take it to the laundry across the street (down three flights of stairs and then through the courtyard and across the street), it won't be happening until this pain has become more bearable. Right now I don't even think I could lift the laundry hamper, let alone carry it that far.

On the one hand, this is coldest week of the Winter (so far) with unusually low temperatures, so it isn't a bad week to not have to spend 4 hours a day commuting.

I got a surprise email from an old friend today and his email and the pain meds and the pain made me a blubbering mess. Funny how sometimes things just "get to you", you know? I'm ok though and it wasn't anything to be upset about anyway, it was more sentimentality and nostalgia that upset me than the email itself.

I'm rambling - I'm going to blame it on the pain meds!

I did register for the 10k in May and have joined a team that is fundraising for the Crohns and Colitis foundation in Canada.  I would love to reach my goal of $100, so if any of you out there want to contribute, no matter how much or little, please do so! Here's the link to my fundraising page.

Fundraising Page

I'm still going to register for the Chocolate Race (and I'll figure out how to get there at some point) and also the Round the Bay 5k in Hamilton as well.

I am optimistically hopeful that I can start running again  next week.

Shingles

That's what I got. Pain, burning - just feel like crap.

I had a "back to running" plan ready to
start yesterday then was hit with this.

I'm not even going to start on side effects of the medications - I will start crying.

Races

I've got two races lined up for 2013 so far and need to get my running back in full swing.  I've been mostly treadmill walking with bursts of running and running short distances outside on the days we've had good weather, but nowhere close to what I was doing last year when I was doing the Running Room clinics.

The Meredith Hagan Run - I'm going to walk this one with my friend Tina. It's a 5.6 trail run/walk through a conservation area. It was in my top three favourite races/courses last year and I'm excited to be doing it with my hiking buddy this year. We're trying to rope in a few of our other friends as well so we have a bit of a bigger group by the time race day rolls around.

Valeant Pharmaceuticals 10k - This is part of the Mississauga Marathon weekend and I'm doing it with my blogging friend Leanne, who I will finally get to meet. Very excited about that as well.

I'm also still considering the Round the Bay 5k in March in my home city and the Scotiabank 10k and I really want to do the Yonge Street 10k and the Chocolate Race again.

Mostly it depends on scheduling and if I can work out transportation so I may have to miss some of last year's favourites and stick to more local venues.

The last race I did I was the Niagara Falls 10k in October.

I'm going to fight my fear of the treadmill and run at a faster pace on it this week. I am terrified of falling off.  I'm going to go up to 6 m.p.h. for a few minutes at a time and add a few minutes each week. This is way faster than I even run outside so it will take some doing, but I figure the challenge of doing it will keep me interested.

For Me

I took this from the "I See Fit People" Facebook page. This is one of the few pages I look forward to every day.  If you're on FB, give it a look!

I haven't made New Year's Resolutions in years. Although I think there is a lot of merit in the feeling of "starting fresh" and having renewed optimism at this time of year, I find that once I start to focus too much on any one aspect of my life, the other aspects start to fall apart.

2012 was not a great year for me. It seemed every month there was some problem, tragedy or challenge to face and overcome. Some worse than others, some minor but on top of other issues seemed insurmountable. Some health related, some relationship and family related, some career and some just bad luck related. I like the idea that on January 1, the slate is wiped clean and 2013 brings with it a whole new set of circumstances and opportunities.

But, reality isn't like that. Our bodies don't know a switch was flipped on January 1 and they don't care. Our bodies only react to the actions we take. What they care about is what we do consistently, day in and day out - regardless of what the calendar says.

2012 was the year I let go. I let go of preconcieved ideas I had about weight loss and fitness. I let go of people that I thought were friends for life just because I'd known them a long time. I let go of letting other people dictate my dreams and accepted that my dreams are just as good, even they are not as lofty.

If I am to take anything from 2012, it is that life happens and I can only control my reactions. It is my reactions that make a situation bearable, conquerable or a misery.

As this relates to my weight loss efforts, it means that I am no longer comparing myself to others or to others' ideas of succcess. My focus is to do the best I can with what I have and what I am capable of doing at any given moment. It does me no service to try and live up to standards put out there by "the weight loss community" and bring myself down in the process. I am done believing that if I do "abc", then "xyz" must follow and then feeling like a failure when it doesn't.

It has taken me a long, long, time to lose 50lbs and it will take me a long time to lose the next 50 or so. I am not a bad person because I didn't lose all my weight in 12 months and I won't be a better person when I do get to my goal weight. That does't mean I accept being this weight - I don't - it's not good for my health or my well being.

I can't give any of you weight loss advice, there are far more successful weight loss bloggers than me out there - but I would like to wish you all success and happiness, in whatever forms that takes for YOU.