Day 4/40

Thankfully I seem to have whipped this stomach thing and I woke up hungry this morning - always a good sign.

I am still feeling tired and achey but not "sick" like I have been.  Thank you for all your well wishes and good vibes - see they worked!   Now both my boys are sick with a head/chest cold.  Liam is my 12 year old and colds are always worse for him because of his asthma.

I am planning on starting The Shred tomorrow...so I'll be 5 days behind ;( but I will be right with Tiffany and her crew from now on!

Eating wise, the last few days have been a bit odd, I've stayed within my points but not eaten a good variety of food - mostly tea,toast, applesauce, bananas, some chicken.  Tonight I picked up a pre-roasted chicken at Loblaws, steamed some squash and sauteed some mushrooms and that was dinner.  It was tasty and not heavy at all, just perfect and I still have a clean kitchen.

I have a job interview on Friday!!!! I am so very excited.  I have one suit, size 18 that I haven't worn in years - thankfully its a classic style - that I tried on the other night and although the pants are little big - it fits pretty well.  My other two suits from last years job hunting are both size 22!!! i tried them on just to see how bad they were and the pants fell down over my hips and I could wrap the jacket around me like a blanket. This is a good thing, but left me in a pinch for this interview. Then I remembered the other suit that I’ve not worn for.... I think about 5 years or so. It’s been drycleaned and is all ready for me for on Friday. Keep your fingers crossed for me. This job would mean a lesser commute and more money and a shopping spree for office clothes that fit :) Never a bad thing!!!

The scale is showing me hovering between 213-214 this week. TOM is expected any day now so not sure if I will see a loss this week but I’m just continuing along.  It will all pay off in the end. On 4 day of my 40 Day Challenge here’s where I sit:

5 Keys	Where am I?
Track everything	4/4
30 Day Shred	0/4
Limit High Glycemic Foods	2/4
Blog Every Day	4/4
Water, Water, Water	4/4

 

Biggest Loser and My Thoughts

I watched Episode 2 last night and I loved that they had a team challenge.  One thing I have learned going through this journey, this time around, is how much easier it is to have people along for the ride. I have my WW groups on line and I have all my blogging “friends”.  Knowing that I am not alone, that others make the same mistakes I do and have the same or harder challenges – gives me the strength to keep going.

Amanda is still my favourite. She “only” lost 4lbs last night and was the “smallest loser”.  As I’ve said, I’ve never seen any other season so I wonder if they ever address food/eating issues on the show or do we watch them endlessly working out to lose this weight. Most of them, MUST have serious issues with food and I wonder how that is addressed, if at all. They may lose their weight in the 16 weeks on the campus but if they don’t address the root cause of their weight gain in the first place – it will come back on. I was surprised to see Bob talking to Shay and doing some NLP with her. He asked her to tell him that she deserved to be happy and she was able to say it twice, but with tears streaming down her face. Truly, it was heartbreaking to see how unhappy this young woman was.

I think I’ve mentioned this before. I’ve been every weight from 110 lbs to 250 lbs as an adult woman and at only 5’ tall, thats a huge variation.  I’ve NEVER, EVER, EVER equated what I see in the mirror with my self worth.  I wonder sometimes why that is when there seems to be so many overweight people full of self loathing.  I had an average childhood with loving parents who divorced when I was about 14. I’ve lived on my own and supported myself since I was 15.  I’ve always had a strong, but very small, social network and I have good relationships with my siblings.  I didn’t put on weight because of a trauma or eating disorder. I somewhere along the way, lost sight of portion control and stopped exercising and add in a few medical issues that contribute to weight loss (PCOS and thyroid) and before I knew it – I was obese.  In my head, I see myself in my early 20’s; curvy, slim and athletic.  I am STILL sometimes surprised to see a photo of myself or catch my reflection in a window.  When I look in a mirror – as I was doing when I was trying on my suits the other night – I am not in denial. I see every one of my 213 lbs but they don’t define me.  I am NOT 213 lbs.  I AM a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a funny, intelligent and caring woman.  These are the ways I define myself.

I hope I never know self loathing. I hope I never define myself by a number on a scale or the number on my clothing.  I pray that I am always loved for WHO I am and not WHAT I look like.