The past two weeks have been really good for me. I've found a calorie level I can live with, an exercise plan that I can stick to and the strength within me to "just do it". I had this strength when I started last January. It faltered and fell a few times but I always got it back until around September when I felt like life was too much and I couldn't handle taking care of me and everything and everyone else.
It took a long time to convince myself that if I didn't take care of me, I wouldn't be able to handle everything else.
Of course, I knew this in my head. Of course, people who love me kept telling me that. Of course, my doctors told me that. But I didn't believe it. It wasn't until I couldn't take care of everyone else OR me that I truly understood.
I'm doing it now. The last two weeks haven't been easy - but it hasn't been hard either. Some days I exercised because I have to, not because I wanted to. Some days I had to make huge efforts to avoid hearing chocolate call my name - but I did it and I survived. I ran for 20 minutes on the treadmill the other night - with bronchitis - it wasn't easy and I wasn't running fast, but I did it and I survived.
In my head I know I can do anything. When I come to do it, this little voice tells me I can't. I'm telling the voice to "Shut the fuck up!" now. Thanks Dr. Beck.
I wasn't too sure when I started reading "The Beck Diet Solution" that it would really make a difference. It didn't right away and the differences crept up slowly and subtly...but sure enough...they are there.