Thanks for all your great comments yesterday.
I thought about "life" in general alot last night and although I am going through some personal, professional and family "issues" right now - my life is pretty good. I have a good marriage (21 years and counting) with a man who loves me, 2 wonderful, funny, intelligent, caring teenage boys, great family and friends and general good health. I am employed and able to support my family and I have my books and my freedom.
Eating well and exercising and losing weight - these are things that require a great amount of attention and diligence. When I am overwhelmed by "life", I get resentful and angry that this is so hard. Why can't it be easy? Why can't I be normal? That attitude leads to self-defeating behaviour. Even yesterday, I caught myself. I went to Wendy's for lunch and had a grilled chicken sandwich. I didn't eat the fries (that's become normal now - I should just stop ordering a combo) and I only ate half the bread. But when I got home from work, I thought how nice it would be to go out to dinner. I thought, I already had Wendy's today, so the day's shot - just have what you want for dinner and start fresh tomorrow.
STOP!!! I literally stopped myself in my tracks. I did not ruin the entire day! Even the fries wouldn't have ruined the day! The only thing that would ruin my day would be to give up any control I had left and just eat without thinking. So I had a sensible dinner, a long hot bath and watched some tv. Crisis averted for another day. I don't know if I'll be able to do that every time those thoughts rear their ugly head - but I did it yesterday and now today is a new day with new challenges.
Today, I'm having two restaurant meals. Lunch is catered at a training function at our head office and then dinner with some WW on line women. The dinner is at Montana's restaurant and I downloaded their nutrition guide to see what I would like to "spend" my points on. Pretty much - nothing, other than plain salad is low points. So I'll work out what the best option is - that will still taste good to me and be a treat and enjoy every bite.
What I've been doing the last six months or so is taking half my meal home because I find the restaurant portions way too big. Don't get me wrong - I could physically eat the entire meal but now I know I would feel sick and full and stuffed. I am now choosing not to and know that I can enjoy the other half at another time. This is the best strategy, I've found for restaurant meals so that I can have what I want without beating myself up later and without feeling sick. For a while I would just stick to salad or grilled chicken etc. but then I was resenting the experience and not enjoying the company or the treat of someone else cooking and cleaning up.
I will do some big batch cooking over the weekend so the freezer is stocked for those "I don't feel like cooking" nights next week and plan to use the crock pot (thanks Tiff!) for one or two nights as well.
I have no doubt that I will get through this - and I will come out stronger, smarter and healthier - but it won't happen by itself, I'll have to do some work.