And not weight wise. Well to be truthful, I have no idea how much I weigh, I haven't weighed myself in 3 weeks. My clothes fit the same, a few seem a bit looser, I don't "feel" like I've gained weight...but I didn't feel myself gaining weight most of the way up to 250 lbs...sometimes it seemed like I just woke up one day with an extra 10-15 lbs ....and then repeated it.
I am in a spiral of not eating/not sleeping. When I don't sleep I have no appetite, but then my blood sugar drops and I need to eat, so I eat whatever is available and in any quantity I want until I feel better, which makes my blood sugar spike, then I feel tired and stuffed and don't eat again...repeat, repeat, repeat until I get where I am today. Feeling like crap, exhausted and no motivation or will power to do anything but sleep - which, oh did I mention I am not sleeping?
I can't seem to turn my mind off when I try to sleep. Physically and emotionally I am drained, but my mind keeps racing with a million thoughts of moving, living alone, new job, new apartment (that I have yet to find), all the packing I have to do....and on and on. I know some things I can't control so wasting precious brain power worrying about them isn't helping me - but there is no off switch for my brain and when the house is quiet and I've stopped moving for the day, it seems to go into overdrive.
I am liking my new job. One of my managers took me out for lunch to Canyon Creek today which was a nice surprise (I had forgotten the perqs of the Corporate world) and we talked alot about my role and some projects I can work on to make the job more interesting and I hope, eventually translate into a different position that is more in line with my background and training of the last 10 years. Since tomorrow is Canada Day, I also booked Friday off so I have an extra long weekend ahead.
Tomorrow is my baby's 16th birthday. Happy Birthday Iain :)