May 21, 2010

Weekend Plans?

It's Victoria Day here in Ontario and I know Memorial Day Weekend in the US, right? Plans?

Sadly, I have none. I did have high hopes for plans, but they fell apart. One part of my plan was a nice quiet weekend to myself as all the guys were going to be away for the weekend.....that didn't work out so well.

Life's like that sometimes. My husband is going away to a family get together out of town so it is me, the boys and Iain's girlfriend. I am trying to coax (bribe, threaten, encourage) them to help me start sorting and packing for our move at the end of July.  Not sure how successful I will be, but we gotta make a start somewhere.

So that's my exciting plan, cleaning, packing and laundry and maybe fit in a Pay Per View movie in their somewhere on Saturday or Sunday night with a big bowl of popcorn :)

And I will fit in a walk somewhere....not sure when or where I will walk...but I'll come up with something I'm sure.  And cooking,  I feel like cooking. I haven't cooked a complete meal in a few weeks, I've been eating soup, salads, sandwiches...thrown together know? Sometimes the unplanned, unstructured weekends are best.

May 19, 2010

Rambling along....

Still going along day by day...still not consuming sugar or artificial sweeteners the way I used to. I use Splenda in coffee because I can't drink coffee without sweetening it...I guess the next step would be to cut out coffee but I do really like the taste and I only have 1-2 cups a day so that's not high on my priority list right now.

I've been walking every day but not as hard core as I was and I not always wearing my shoes with the sensor  so it's not updating my mini, but I am exercising - don't worry.

I've got a lot going on in my life right now, on all fronts, so I'm trying to not lose my focus on the eating well aspect. I'm actually no longer tracking/counting anything or even writing it down. I wake up, have breakfast, eat lunch when I'm hungry, stop before I'm full and same with dinner. If I find I'm having a long day or need a snack I have one. It's wierd - there's no obsession, no feeling that I think about food 100% of the time the way I used to.  I like this feeling and I hope it lasts. I know I have other pressing issues in my head and something had to give so it looks like the food/weight loss obsession is what my mind decided it would stop focusing on....I'm not sure.  Our bodies are wierd things aren't they?

I see my endocrinologist at the end of June so I will be getting my blood work done soon and it will be interesting to see the results of the this six month period.

This whole post is nothing but a ramble about nothing at all - sigh....told you some days I just don't know what to say!!!

May 17, 2010

Booyah!!!! my sons would say.

If you've been following my blog for any length of time, you would have heard me say (ad nauseum) that 210-215 is my "sticking point". It's where, in the past, I have given up and regained any and all, plus some more, weight lost.  This time around, I was determined there was no going back. If I stuck at 215 forever, it would be better than going back up.  I have been all over the place from 212-220  since October!!!!  I don't know why it's such a mental block. I don't know why I couldn't get past it.

Well now I have!!!

May 16, 2010

GTA Blogger GTG - Done :)

It was yesterday. So much fun. These ladies are truly inspirational and so much fun to be around. We talk about alot of different things, weight loss and blogging being only a small part of it. I know there were lots of photos I will just link to their blogs as I don't have much more to say about it. Food was great, company was great - what more could I ask for?

Kat's Blog

My meal was the black bean tostada which was actually an appetizer!!

May 14, 2010

No sugar = No cravings

Simple formula huh?

TOM started this morning and I didn't even notice the date, you know why? The week before was not filled with sugar / carb cravings that reminded me the monthly event was due.

The last two weeks I have drastically reduced not only my sugar intake but also my aspartame/sucralose intake. I seriously think I was addicted to Diet Pepsi and Coke Zero, I thought it was the caffeine, but I don't drink coffee/tea in the same way. I think it was the artificial sweeteners. Now this isn't meant to be an opening to discuss the merits and dangers of various sweeteners.  My endocrinologist says they are safe in moderation and I trust her so I go with that. I can't say I ever believed they triggered cravings, but now that I have drastically reduced both sugar and the sweeteners I can honestly say I feel and see a difference in my body. I don't wake up in the morning "wanting" a diet coke. I don't "want" one mid afternoon. I sometimes have a coffee or tea and that doesn't make me "need" a diet coke.

In terms of sugar, I didn't eat alot of sugar to begin with because I'm diabetic, but there are lots of ways to get sugar without eating candy and sweets - bread, rice, pasta, too many fruits, lots of vegetables are high in sugar, almost anything packaged/processed, even honey and agave syrup are sugar even if they are natural forms.

I've never gone this long before, I've done a week before then fell off the wagon - I'm now into my third week and it's not an effort now to walk past the cookies and donuts set out by the coffee maker each day. Last week I picked one up, took a bite and waited a few minutes. Nope..didn't NEED or WANT the rest and tossed it. I don't hear them calling to me - maybe they have forgotten my name.

I'd like to say I'll never go back to eating sugar the way I used to. But I know how life I'm going to say that TODAY, I'm not going to have sugar or artificial sweetener. That's my promise to myself.

May 10, 2010

GTA Blogger GTG

Sat May 15, 2010
11:00 a.m.
Fresh on Bloor

Hope to see some new GTA bloggers out there!

Please be prompt as we cannot make reservations and will be given a table based on our numbers when we are seated.

If you need more info, you can email me at downwardtrenzATgmailDOTcom

May 9, 2010

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the women who love a child, either small or grown.

My own relationship with my mother was tumultuous at best - I left her home at 15 - but as I have matured and raised my own  boys, I learned this: She did the best she could with what she knew and never for a moment, do I doubt she loves me with all her heart.

I have two wonderful sons, such different children from the moment they were born. Iain is full of angst and passion about everything, he wants to fix the world and make it right for everyone. I ain is my "wayward" son, he sometimes loses himself on his quest for righteousness, but he always finds his way back. Liam is gentler, he wants peace in the world and everyone to get along, he is the sweetest child.

For Iain:

For Liam:

May 8, 2010

Saturday night and it's all right

I had a good day.

I didn't get any exercise in, unless you count shopping as exercise :)

I have some big changes coming up in my life in the next few months and today I took a mental break from all of that and just played at being a girl :) I tried on tons of new clothes - and bought a few - a beautiful, sexy, body skimming red summer dress that I cannot wait to wear, a new suit for interviews (the one I bought a few months ago is now too big, although I have not actually lost any weight), a tank type blouse to go under it, a black and a white shrug as last summers are falling off my shoulders.

What I really, really need are new bras, but I seem to be in between sizes...I tried on 3-4 different brands and styles and it was the same each time. 38C is too big in the cup and 38B has me overflowing. Hopefully a few more pounds and I will be able to fix that situation. I love buying new underwear - are you with me ladies - doesn't it feel so pretty and feminine to have pretty underthings that match? No matter where I go or what I am doing 2 things are true about toenails are always manicured and painted and my underwear always matches. Even those that are basic, they match. Imagine if I was hit by a car and had to go to the hospital and my bra and panties didn't match??? The horror of it.

Speaking of pretty underwear, we were having a discussion at work the other day with two guys who work in our trailer, one is 21 the other is 45. There consensus is they don't care what the underwear looks like, why do we even bother with it? Seriously, I know I have a few guy y'all not appreciate pretty underthings on your women?

Shopping today was actually alot of fun as the suit and two blouses and the dress I bought were from the regular side of the store - albeit the largest sizes XL and XXL but no plus sizes and the suit is a regular 18 not 18W. This is the first time I've shopped from the "normal" side. I have to admit I did feel a bit of a fraud picking up stuff to try on at first and kept expecting my favourite saleslady (I go to the same places alot) to remind me I was on the wrong side of the store.

Lunch was at Red Robin - a gourmet burger place and I had my usual blackened chicken, I could only eat half and was full and I had two fries. 2 years ago, I would eat the whole sandwich and the whole basket of fries and half of another basket and still have "room" for dessert. I have definitely learned to listen to my body's fullness cues.

I bought new makeup and nail polish and tomorrow will get the colour on my toes changed.

All in all, today was about celebrating where I am at this moment in my life and just revelling in it instead of wanting to be somewhere else.

May 7, 2010

Thunderbolts and lightning - very very frightening

Not really, I love storms.

There is nothing more comforting to me than being inside watching the lightening tear across the sky, hearing the thunder boom and watching the rain pelt the windows.

May 5, 2010

Blogging for a Season

I am really feeling like my blogging season has passed. All things are cyclical so I am sure I will come back to it full force one day, but all through April and this first part of May, I just haven't felt like I had anything to share, insightful, interesting, funny or otherwise.

I am continuing my weight loss journey and it takes a huge amount of energy to focus on that every day - to make good choices, to plan, to find time to exercise and then to actually carry out those plans.  Its repetitive to write about the same things every day and I don't find it really helping me.  By the end of the day of DOING all that, the spirit doesn't seem to move me to now rehash it by writing about it...does that make sense?

I do absolutely love reading all your blogs and do so everyday, even though I don't comment as much as  I used to, once again - I don't feel there's anything new to say.

I'm actually feeling pretty good, I went through a bit of a low week in April and definitely this weight loss thing has been a struggle for a very long time - but in general, I'm in a good place.

I'm sure I'll be blogging now and again, maybe 1-2 x a week.

May 3, 2010

Nothing To Worry About

Thank you for all your kind and supportive comments on my last two posts.

I met my high school friend, Greg,  for coffee yesterday and had a really nice time. He is *very* good looking, one of those men that get better looking with age, but the teenage shyness and geekiness has turned into confidence and charm. He was funny and engaging and we talked for 2 hours about just about everything under the sun.  We also talked about my friend Graham that passed away, Greg knew him as well and it helped to talk to someone else who knew and loved him.

He said I still have the bluest eyes he'd ever seen :) which just about made my day and I did beat him at Star Trek trivia (I guess we are still both geeks at heart!).  I ended the day feeling pretty good about myself.

Also, huge NSV - I wore a summer dress and there was no thigh chafing!  My thighs do touch, but they were not rubbing in that painful, annoying way like they have in previous summers.  It felt great to wear a pretty dress and not have to wear bike shorts or long briefs underneath.

Second NSV, I had only coffee in a bakery full of nothing healthy!

Third victory, but is an SV, I seem to have dropped the temporary weight of my week long carb binge and I am feeling clear headed and alert and content.

Only one downside to today, I've developed a minor medical condition (might be TMI - a blocked lymph node in the groin area) that is going to make exercise impossible for the next 2-3 days but I am going to be extra diligent with eating and hop right on the bandwagon as soon as I can.

So today is a good place to be.

How's your Monday shaping up?

May 1, 2010

More from the past

Tomorrow I am meeting an old friend from high school for coffee.
I am 100lbs heavier now than I was at 18.
He (ok, if it wasn't a he maybe I wouldn't be angsting quite so much!) looks better now than he did in high school. He was a tall, lanky, geeky kid - now he's a tall, handsome, rugged man.
I'm just sayin' - that if I had my choice I'd be 120 lbs of cuteness instead of 220 lbs of cuteness.
And yes, I know looks aren't important - I'm still smarter than him and my eyes are still bluer :P~
And I'm sure once I see him and we start talking, I will forget about that as I try to out Star Trek triviatize him.

Hope your Saturday is going well.