Aug 24, 2016

Got through the day

...and that was the goal after all.

I was very sad and withdrawn. I stayed home, watched TV, cooked, cleaned, completely turned off my phone and only talked to my sons.  It was a day.

I tried to focus on happy memories and I did for much of the day.

I keep telling myself it will get better.

On a good note, my blood sugar was perfect yesterday and I ate really well, despite baking cookies (I had one) and making cheese and onion pie for dinner.

I forgot to weigh myself this morning.  Will do that tomorrow and am also having my thyroid blood work done tomorrow which is good as I am feeling 'off'. Not sure if it's the heat wave we've been experiencing or the change in thyroid meds 2 months ago but I am feeling heavy, tired and lethargic in general.  Changing my diet did help tremendously and I am sleeping better than I was before both of these changes.

I'll keep you posted.

Aug 22, 2016

Running after the wagon

I was doing great - in a groove! Then got thrown off the wagon by a few overly stressful days and now I am desperately running trying to catch up to the wagon...I am almost there - can touch it with the tips of my fingers - just got to get a strong hold and  I can jump back on.

Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of Den's death. This second year was much harder than the first year. The second Christmas, the second birthday, the second Father's Day - all without him were unbearably sad and bleak.  I think the first year, we (myself and our boys) were numb and just going through the motions. This year, the reality set in. He's gone. He's really and truly gone.

I booked tomorrow off work. I am not sure what I will do. I would like to do something to celebrate his life.  I don't want to spend all day sad in memories and crying like last year. He would never want that for any of us.

I guess I won't know what I want to do until I wake up tomorrow morning..,...but not having a plan is dangerous for me. I have been withdrawing, albeit slowly, from life. Hardly go out, hardly see anyone, given up on my hiking and walking ..... and although I know rationally that this is not a good thing I can't seem to find the impetus to JUST DO IT.

My weight is holding steady - 228-230....and although my blood sugar has been higher the last few days (due to being off the wagon), today is the first day that it is back in the normal range and I am being conscious about what I'm eating, so it should come back down in a day or two.

One day at a time. Tomorrow's goal is just that - get through the day.

Aug 8, 2016


Where does the time go?

This weekend flew by. I was out most of the day Saturday with a friend. We drove out of town to a small beach and walked a bit, then had lunch in a new pub and went to some bazaars/garage sales. It was a gorgeous day to be out and about. Not too hot, but lots of sunshine and blue skies.

Sunday was mostly housework and prep for the week ahead. Sunday was a bad eating day for me. I was very stressed and did a lot of emotional eating. I am back on track today though with my protein shake for breakfast and no wheat/sugar in sight. One day at a time. Repeat.

Weight this morning was 229.1 which is where I've been hovering the last week (228.5-229.5) so  I think I need to look at my calories and see where I can make some cuts.  Not eating wheat and sugar is great but I still need to be mindful of overall calories.

I'll keep you posted!

Aug 5, 2016

Friday again

In some ways this week flew by, in others it dragged.

After sleeping really well for several weeks, this week I am plagued by restlessness and insomnia and I am feeling it today!  I have a meeting from 2-3 but then I will be going home right after and hopefully napping.

No major plans for the weekend - rest, housework, yadda yadda yadda.

Forgot to weigh myself this morning so I will check tomorrow but I am wearing a shirt that at Easter was too tight in the arms and shoulders and now fits very well, so I know I've lost some weight since then!

Good eating day yesterday.  Fish (with the batter pulled off) and a handful of french fries and a protein shake for dinner.  

Even though I had little sleep, I woke up feeling less lethargic and bloated than the past two days.

I've got the food down, now I need to start the walking again and make use of my fancy schmancy FitBit Blaze!

Aug 3, 2016

Pizza Regret

I left my lunch at home yesterday and was in an all day meeting with lunch provided - pizza and chicken wings. I hate wings. Uck. Fatty, gross, chicken skin, dark meat -ugh ugh ugh. Pizza on the other hand, I love!  I had one slice and ate the apple and almond butter I had brought as a snack. One slice of a medium pizza.  Dinner did not include grains or sugar.

This morning I woke up with brain fog and an upset stomach.  I feel awful.

I had my protein shake for breakfast and I will have a salad with chicken for lunch. Dinner will be something light, maybe leftover salad or some vegetable soup.  I cannot tell you in enough detail how upset my stomach is right now.

Later: Stomach still upset. I had a salad for lunch with chicken, feta cheese, quinoa (which I tried to pick around) and lots of greens and some walnuts. It was good. My stomach doesn't think so though. Ugh. I hate feeling like this.

Really just want to go home and crash for a few hours. I also didn't sleep well last night for the first time in several weeks. I tossed and turned all night; too hot, too cold, not comfortable...on and on.  I might just have a nap when I get home if Liam isn't home and I am not making dinner right away. I had a late lunch and with my stomach like this can hold off for dinner or not even cook at all, maybe just have some fruit.

Not much else happening in my world.

Since my last post, Liam and I have moved into a small, but cozy, basement apartment with washer/dryer, dishwasher and central A/C.  This is a huge step up from where we used to live and although we compromised on space in some areas, it is nice to have these amenities as well as a huge kitchen with lots and lots of counter space and a double sink. If you have ever lived with a galley kitchen and one sink, then you know how overjoyed our new kitchen makes me :)  IT is actually nice to cook and have room to do so without tripping over each other. We only run the dishwasher twice a week at most but it is nice to have. It is such a luxury not to have to haul laundry up and down 4 flights of stairs AND this apartment is cheaper than the other one.  I park right outside our door and our landlady is awesome. She just replaced our stove because it broke (yes, I know she's responsible for the stove, but a lot of landlords would have tried to fix it or stalled, she replaced it within a week).

All in all, life is good.

Aug 2, 2016

Weekend Over

I had a really nice weekend. Relaxing, quiet, yet productive!

I spent most of Saturday with my youngest son, Liam (19) which hardly ever happens so it was very nice. He came with me to the farmer's market and grocery store and then we went out for an early dinner and to see Star Trek: Beyond. Movie was awesome! The day with my boy was even awesome-r :)

I got lots of housework and minor chores done. I became enamoured with "House of Cards" and "Kevin Spacey" on Netflix.

Food wise, I did well. Avoided grains most of the time and sugar all of the time.  I did have 1/2 cup of rice with dinner on Sunday and my blood sugar was higher than normal after, so definitely rice is something I will have to cut out now as well.

Tonight's dinner is bunless burgers and homemade oven fries.

No new weight loss as of this morning. Still holding at 228-230 (daily fluctuations).  Hopefully, I will see some movement this week.