Dec 24, 2018

Merry Christmas

Hello everyone, just popping in to wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Nothing going on in my life regarding weight loss - still mainitaining at 199-204 which I am thankful for because I have never maintained for over 6 months before (16 months now!) without a huge regain shortly thereafter. 

Yep, I do need to get back on the losing train and I have had various attempts at restarts, resets whatever you want to call it but not been successful with keeping myself focused.

I wish you all a wonderful and happy and healthy Christmas however you celebrate, or not :)

See ya in 2019!

Jul 23, 2018


200 lbs has been my nemesis. Since gaining weight in young adulthood, I could always lose to about 200 lbs then regain quickly once I got discouraged that the work I was putting in was not showing results.

I have lost hundreds of pounds, the same 50-60 lbs over and over again.

When I re-started this last time in 2016, I said it was the last time, that I was not regaining back up to 250 lbs and not re-losing those pounds.  I was not going to let myself be distracted. This time I made the commitment that this is for life and I am 'trying to lose' for the rest of my life and that results in just not regaining - that would be still be better than regaining.

This is the longest I have maintained around 200 (or less) EVER. It has been a year with my lowest at 183 and where I am currently sitting at 203.  20 lbs might seem like a big range, and it is but truthfully I was in the 180's for barely a minute.  My body seems to like 200 lbs and it is going to take a lot more effort and work to get back to the 180's and maybe lower.

Yesterday I reconnected with an old blogger friend who has also been struggling and we committed to doing this together.  I'm going back to what worked last year. Three meals a day, a small snack before bed (so I don't wake up starving and wanting to eat everything in sight) and walking 30-45 min every day.  It also helped to weigh everyday.  I don't get caught up with daily fluctuations, I know if I gain 3 lbs over night it's not fat and if I lose 3 lbs over night its also not fat but it does help me focus. I use Happy Scale which does a 7 or 10 day average and shows weight loss over time based on the daily entries and that is a motivator for me.

Although I am up 20lbs from my lowest, the clothes still fit and look good. A few are even too big.  For sure, the hiking has been trimming my waist, butt and thighs. My arms are shrinking but will always be a problem and always unsightly, but a few weeks ago I went to a beach and wore a bathing suit outside for the first time in over 20 years. You know what? No one cared. No one died, no one tore their eyes out, no one ran screaming from me - no one cared.  Except me, and after awhile, I didn't either. I enjoyed the sun, the sand and the surf.

I've also been emailing 3-4 x a week with another blogger which has been a huge help because she has been, and continues to be successful and we have similar goals and stressors. It really does help to connect with like-minded people and share the struggles and successes. I think we all *know* what to do, but having support to do it makes all the difference.  So...thank you T and M for being in my court.

Jul 19, 2018

End of June and Mid-July Check in (somewhat late)

I've been busy - but also struggling. My weight is hovering from 198-203 pretty consistently and not dropping.  I am not as diligent with tracking as I used to be although my activity is much more consistent and more intense than this time last can't outrun (or hike!) your fork!

I've been distracted with house buying, getting kid ready for college, said kid having a major concussion, new projects at work and a bunch of other stuff.

Focusing on everything except the most important thing - ME and my health.

Not sure when/if/how to turn it around.

Yesterday was the first good day I had in weeks in terms of eating.

Now repeat.

Jun 14, 2018

Mid June Check In

I hope your summer is going well. Mine is! One of the best I've had in several years.  I am loving hiking and we have completed about 10% of the Bruce Trail. 

And  - the scale is moving down again after weeks of bouncing up and down 1-2 lbs.  198.9 lbs this morning. Still a ways to go to get back to my low of 183 last summer but all my clothes fit again and some of them are even looser than they were last summer so I am losing inches for sure  especially around my middle and thighs which makes me happy since the middle is where all the insulin is stored and this is a sign that my body is using and not storing insulin the way it was before.

I have no real plans, except hiking, for the rest of June. My son's birthday is July 1st so I am thinking of treating the family to an overnight stay in Niagara Falls but that weekend will be the most expensive and busiest one all summer so I may wait til the the middle of July just to make it more cost-effective for me to get three hotel rooms.  A weekend get away would be nice with the boys and their girlfriends.

In the top picture we had to climb a stile over a fence to get to the trail and in the past, I would have been worried that 1. it would not support my weight and 2. that I would not be able to climb over but both issues were non existent!  

The second photo is at the start of the Bruce Trail at the Niagara end. It was a cold day that day and blustery!  Our weather was so wierd in May. From Winter to Summer and back to Winter in the matter of 10 days.

The third photo is from the top of escarpment in Winona (near Hamilton where I live). There's a huge swathe of space from the trees being cut down for power lines and you can see clear across Hamilton, across Lake Ontario to Toronto. The picture is from my phone, so not great quality, but in the moment, we could see the Toronto downtown skyline and of course the CN Tower.  This was a hard hike and that view made it all worthwhile :)

Jun 1, 2018

End of May

Just a quick note.

My weigh in this morning was 199.8 so no change from mid-May which is a bit disappointing!

Although, my clothes that were tight at the end of April are now loose again and I can definitely see my thighs, butt and waist are smaller. My legs and back feel 'heavy' though and I am not sure if that is related to fibromyalgia or muscle soreness from all the hiking so there is definitely some inflammation there that may be contributing to lack of progress on the scale. Regardless, all I can do is keep going.

We had our AGM at work this week and yesterday was my late husband's birthday so it's been a week of emotional highs and lows and I am tired.  I was supposed to be off work today, but had to come in to finish some reports for a Board meeting last week, well, more accurately help some managers finish their reports!

We do have hikes planned for the weekend so I am looking forward to that.

We hiked about 8 km on Wednesday night and I was eaten alive by mosquitoes despite having applied copious amounts of insect repellant.  My upper arms and across my shoulders are the worst.  Today the itching is driving me mad. I might have to go get some hydrocortisone cream to help.

Every year we do headshots for work and although I was not having a great hair day, it was a good visual to see how far I've come.  There's only 5 lbs difference between 2017 and 2018 so I think the difference is more related to the angle than weight loss.

May 24, 2018

Check In

Its been a busy few weeks!

We've done a lot of hiking and I was in Washington DC for 5 days (returned home this past Monday) and I am ramping up for our AGM at work.

Although the Bruce Trail is 890 km (405 miles) and it felt like doing 5km (3 mile) chunks would take forever, it actually feels like we are making progress!  Of course, living smack in the middle of it helps as we don't have to travel too far right now to hit a section.  Once we exhaust the Niagara and Iroquoia sections, it will be a bit harder to get in so much as we'll have to travel to get to the trail and then travel home.  We symbolically did the beginning of the trail in Niagara and this Fall we want to do 5-10 km at the other end of the trail (Tobermory) so then we will work from the middle outwards to each end.  There are many clubs for the Bruce Trail and hiking the trail and hikers can apply for badges for each section by submitting their information.  I don't think we are that dedicated or interested but it is great that there is so much information about the trails available and so many people interested in conserving them.  It is truly a beautiful and breathtaking part of the country.

We've done quite a few hikes since my last post so I'll just post a few combo pics.  We've just about finished the part of the trail that is 10-20 min from where we live so it means venturing further out to hike so there will probably be fewer week day hikes and we'll see if we can fit in two hikes or longer hikes on the weekends.

DC was amazing! So much to see and do.  I felt really good about eating well because we stayed at a Comfort Inn and they do that mini-breakfast buffet. I had boiled eggs and fruit every day for breakfast and we took some with us for the day so we didn't eat out at all during the day - great for my waistline and my wallet!  We went to The Cheesecake Factory one night - and I always forget how big the portions are in the US - so we had leftovers for the next two nights for dinner, which was awesome because by the time we got back to the hotel we were so tired, we showered, heated up leftovers and fell into bed!

Although we had pouring rain for 2 out of the three days we were there, we walked over 20,000 steps each day and saw everything we wanted to see.  The Smithsonian is incredible.  We only did the Museum of Natural History and the Air and Space Museum and the Smithsonian Castle (Visitor's Centre).   I could have spent a week just wandering around all the museums. The National Archives was well worth the over hour wait to get in.  Arlington Cemetary was sobering - the enormity of war hits you when all the eye can see is tombstone after tombstone row by row.  The Kennedy Memorial is beautiful in its simplicity as much as the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial is in its complexity.  We walked around the Tidal Basin on our last day and the monuments and memorials were so full of history.

We took our selfie in front of the White House, of course (from a very far distance!).

On my first morning back at home, I weighed 1 lb less than when I left - that's a win for me!

May 7, 2018

Weekend Shenanigans

What a whirlwind weekend! 

Friday night we had a windstorm with downed trees and power lines, and power outages, so hiking was cancelled. I decided to treat my feet to a pedicure.

Weight wise nothing much is going on.  I seem to go up and down 2-3 lbs before it settles at a drop. Right now my favourite numbers seem to be 201-203, still lower than last month though!  So I keep plodding along.

On Saturday we got in two short hikes.

 - Crawford Lake Conservation Area (5.15 km)

- Iroquoia Heights Conservation Area (5.35 km)

On Sunday we picked up where we left off at the Iroquoia Heights Trail and continued along the Chedoke Radial Trail including the 289 stairs up the escarpment! Another 5.2 km.

May 3, 2018

Mid-Week Hiking Update

We've been doing great at getting out and hitting the trails and seeing the waterfalls this week. Some of these hikes are only 4-5 km but there are hundreds of stairs up and down the escarpment as well as the hills without stairs. It is definitely a work out and the reward is the beauty of the waterfalls.

Spring has arrived in my neck of the woods and yesterday was even summer-like.

Monday night was Borer's Falls. (4.75 km round trip)  Look how long my legs look in my shadow :)  I'm only 5' tall so it always make me smile to see my body all stretched out.

Tuesday night was Tiffany Falls. (4.25 km round trip) See those stairs, that was just the first 1/4 of the winding staircase up the escarpment that we first came down and then went back up on our way back.

Wednesday night was Felkers' Falls - 6.2km round trip. This waterfall was a bit underwhelming after the majesty of the others this week. The trail was fairly flat and some of it paved so it was a welcome break from the hills and stairs.  There was one big, gradual hill that was a good workout but the rest was not much more than a nice stroll. The views of the city from the top of the escarpment were gorgeous though and the weather was summer-like, almost humid.

I have a Board meeting tonight so it's a 'rest' day from hiking.

Apr 30, 2018

www: Waist, Weight, Weekend

Updates all around today!

I have been so bloated and yucky feeling since before Christmas and all that bloat sits right at my waist! I can finally see my waist again. There’s still a long way to go but I can see the hour glass under the fat again instead of the fishbowl. 

Weigh in today (April 30) was 201.5 lbs.

Friday night we hit a Bruce Trail side trail (3.3 km each way) which was fairly flat and wound through huge open fields. We saw a beautiful doe and cardinals and robins. It was still quite muddy but it was a wide, partially gravel trail so it was not a hike but really a walk. 

I spent Saturday catching up on housework and laundry. My feet and thighs were sore and I was feeling very fatigued and achy as well so I made sure to hit my step goal but didn’t hike or walk. I am cautious not to trigger a fibro flare up but exercise definitely helps me feel better and less symptomatic over  time.  It was also a rainy and dreary day with no incentive to go outside. 

Sunday was a glorious cusp-of-summer day. We checked another 5km off the Bruce Trail map (10 km round trip hike).   It was another hilly, rocky trail full of tree roots and my friend slipped on some mud going up one of the hills and rolled part way down the escarpment.  It was a scary moment, but she was unhurt (just a few bruises) and we laughed about it afterwards. Some of the drops along the hills were quite steep so I had to go down on my butt to scrabble down and coming up go on hands and knees. It was a lot of fun though. This is my favourite way to be outdoors.

We have this week's hikes/walks planned out and just need the weather to cooperate.

Apr 27, 2018

Walk this way

...and that way too!

It's a sure sign of Spring when I am out and about more than I am in!  I am so happy that Spring is finally here.  

I see these pair of swans every year making their nest at the same place and then watch their little ones emerge from the nest and next Spring those little ones are beautiful swans.  The circle of life.  Even the water is starting to look blu-ish.

A friend and I are going to start conquering the Bruce Trail this year. It will take several years to complete.  So far we've done some very short legs to local waterfalls in our City.  Tonight we chose Devil’s Punchbowl. There were a lot of hills, mudslides and fallen trees! This is the along the trail to Devil's Punchbowl and the waterfall itself. 6.6 km of the Bruce Trail and side trails. 

My hiking shoes are broken in now! 

Apr 25, 2018

Waiting for the Whoosh

This week is looking up!  The scale has nudged past the 203 mark to 202.1 lbs.  Waiting to see where I end up at the end of April.

Usually when I start to "lose weight" the first few weeks are very slow and then around week 3 or 4, there's a sudden drop in weight of 3-4 lbs that cannot be explained as I've been doing the same thing for 3-4 weeks.  I've been waiting for that whoosh!  This feels excruciatingly slow but there's no choice but to continue to plod along! 

I seem to have broken the mood of defeat and feel much more optimistic and energized about weight loss, exercise and life in general. 

My (adult) sons are fighting and not speaking to each other for the last month. This is so stressful for me as since their father passed away, and my sister has moved away - we really only have each other here.  I am practicing my mantra - not my circus not my monkeys - although they really are MY monkeys!!  Hopefully they will sort it out soon.  It is heartbreaking to see them so angry at each other.

My jaw is still a problem but I've either raised my tolerance levels or it is starting to bother me less.  The MRI I had was inconclusive so we are just waiting now. My doctor suggested steroids to reduce the inflammation but that makes me nervous because of the weight gain and the effect it will have on my blood sugar. So...I'm going to give it another month and see if time really does heal all things!

I still weigh in every day although I only count my Friday or Saturday weigh in as my "official" weekly weigh in.  I use an app called "Happy Scale" which lets you enter daily weights then does a running seven day average so it's easier to see losses over time despite the daily fluctuations. 

The friend I do road races with (we walk) has moved to night shifts and works most weekends so I won't be doing as many this year, I hope to get in a few though.

I have a new hiking / walking partner though. One of my co-workers (Lorna) lives quite close to me and grew up in the city we live in so she knows all the trails much better than I do and she has a large dog  that needs long walks so we had started last Fall to go out 2-3 nights a week for about 2 hours. We started that up again last week and last night even did 7km in the drizzly, cold rain.

Lorna and I are also planning a road trip to Alexandria, VA in May so we can do all the touristy things in D.C.  Then I'll be off to PA sometime in July and then, hopefully, to England in October to visit my sister and nephews.  

I like plans :)

Some photos from our walk the last two nights.  In a few weeks all this dreary grey and brown will be lush green! Stay tuned :)

Apr 24, 2018

My Toronto

I went out for a hike after work last night and came home to devastating news. 

Toronto is my city. Where I grew up and lived almost my whole life. 

I ❤️ TO. 

Tonight my heart is broken for my city that always felt so safe. 

Apr 23, 2018

Time keeps passing by....

I didn't realise it was so long since I posted.

April has been so busy, we had an out of town funeral to attend, work is ramping up for our Annual General Meeting and Winter has been stubborn with two weekends in a row of snow and ice.  

Although I think Spring has finally appeared as of this past weekend.

I have been going along and am struggling with my weight. I keep bouncing up and down the same 3  lbs between 203 and 206 and cannot seen to break it. I should be able to with following the plan and getting my steps in every day.  

Just have to keep pushing.

There's really nothing new going on in my life and nothing worthy of taking your time to read, to be honest.

I'll check in at the end of April with a new weight for April 30.

Apr 1, 2018

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

For the past two and half weeks I've been diligently tracking. Some days I am over, some days I am under but I am striving for a healthy balance and the "blue dot" range of points on the Weight Watchers plan.

Thanks for checking in with me :) I just didn't feel I had anything to post about while I was trying to get my motivation and determination back.  I can't say it's 100% back. It's work. It feels like work. I wish it could always be effortless and come naturally, but it doesn't and when I stop "working at it", I fall hard.  I have periods (like early last year) where it did seem easier although the work was still required.

It always has to be all consuming for me, if I don't think about what I eat, or plan what I eat, or plan exercise - weight loss doesn't happen.  

I don't know if this is true for everyone. I don't know if there are people who don't have to make every single decision a conscious one to be successful.  

I just know this is how it has to be for me.

Here's a quick rundown of my weights over the last two and a half weeks.

March 7 (Diabetic Clinic)     207
March 8 (at home)             206.5
March 22 (Diabetic Clinic)    205.7 (-1.3)
March 31 (at home)            204.6 (-2.4) 

Total loss:      2.4 lbs  

Even accounting for different scales, it seems I have had a small loss since I started being intentional and tracking again.  With warmer weather, I'll be out walking more so April should be a more successful month.

Mar 16, 2018

One day at a time

I have five days of tracking and one perfect WW day yesterday with a blue dot.

That is an accomplishment these days.

Now repeat!

And although life is hard - I think it's important to remember these two things because it so much easier to look for excuses than to look within. 

(Stolen from my blogging friend Ann over at CarbTripper.)

Mar 15, 2018

And so it goes.

Still here.

Still floundering.

This week I committed to tracking every day, since I haven't been since after the dental surgery in January.  Four for four so far. I have not had a 'perfect' WW day yet but just tracking makes me more mindful and focused.

I am struggling with fibromyalgia pain more this Winter than in the past. Every muscle in my body aches.  I know the inflammation in my jaw is not helping and less than stellar diet is not helping.  I can control one of those things.  Easier to type out than do, it seems.

I am hoping that Winter is on the way out and as the weather improves so will my pain which will lead to better sleep, which will lead to better energy which will lead to being able to go for a walk and being able to do more than just function to get through the day.

I had my endocrinologist appointment last week. I really don't like this Doctor.  My previous endo was awesome. She had a private practice. This endo is part of a clinic at a teaching hospital which means I see a (different) resident each time I go first, who has to recap my entire life's medical history with me (because it's the first and only time they will ever see me!) and then I wait to see the endo. He then comes in for 30 seconds, writes a prescription and leaves. I'm sure he's a brilliant and capable doctor, but I don't feel like he is taking care of me as an individual and I do feel he is dismissive when I ask him questions.

That's a problem for another day.

My weight on the clinic scale was 207.  I know from past experience, that scale is about 3-4 lbs heavier than the WW scale and I am also dressed in different clothes when I go to the clinic versus when I go to WW.  So I'm thinking it's probably 204 which is where I was last time I went to WW in January.  Of course, if I went back I would know for sure. 

Today, everything seems overwhelming.

I do not do well without a clear plan.  I do not do well when I feel like a plan is hopeless.

Tomorrow is a new day :)

Mar 5, 2018

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello!

I can't believe it's March.

I can't believe the last few months have been a whirlwind of craziness - but not in a good way.

Our Christmas was quiet and sad.  With my sister and her children in England, we missed Dennis even more.  It is easy to be distracted when there is a full house, much harder when it's just the three of us.  The boys and I were quite melancholy and reflective. It was not a bad Christmas, just not a very cheerful one.

Since about September I've been having a problem with one of my wisdom teeth. It had a cavity that could not be filled because of the location of the tooth and the side that cavity was on was not reachable with the dental tools.  After some consults, it seemed the best thing to do was to have all four wisdom teeth removed as 2 others had small cavities that would only get worse as time goes on.  I have always had a hard time flossing and brushing my wisdom teeth because they are so far back in my mouth and even the hygienist(s) always say how hard it is. 

So...I set the appointment for January 18 and off I went.  The days following the surgery were not as painful as I thought, I was taking T3 only at night to help me sleep and some anti-inflammatories for the swelling in my face.  By the 4th day it was obvious that although the healing in my mouth was progressing, my right jaw was extremely painful. It was hard to chew, hard to talk, hard to brush my teeth, even the whole side of my face felt like I had a sinus infection - but only that side. It was like an invisible line down the middle of my head.  The inflammation on that side was still evident compared to the left side.  Several doctor's appointments later, it was determined that my jaw had been hyperextended during the surgery and I am waiting for an MRI to determine if the tendons are just inflamed or torn.  As the weeks go by, the pain has settled to a dull ache and if I am careful and do not open my mouth too wide, it's manageable. Sometimes I forget when I am brushing my teeth and that sets off pain that lasts 2-3 days.

I am no longer taking any pain meds or anti-inflammatories so some days my patience is worn thin from the constant pain and my sleep is not great.  All of this contributes to my blood sugar being higher than normal (although this week I am finally seeing "normal" numbers again for the first time since all this started so I'm hopeful that I at least have that under control again.

I have not been to WW since the day before the dental surgery.  My clothes fit ok but I am feeling sluggish and bloated so I am sure there is some weight gain around my middle, especially since my blood sugar has been high for over 7 weeks.

I recently had my other blood work done and my cholesterol numbers were good with my A1C at 8.2, where I try to keep it under 7.  So there is some catch up to do.

Eating - I have not been tracking but have been trying to be mindful. Mindful does not work for me as I tend to forget from day to day what I've eaten and there is no balance as there is when I am tracking religiously.

I have been walking about 30 min every other day but that is also something I need to get back into.

There's a lot of personal stuff going on at home and with extended family as well so I have been distracted and pre-occupied and not focusing on the stuff I need to keep on top of EVERY SINGLE DAY, for weight loss to be consistent and sustainable.

What's next? I have no idea.