Hello everyone,
How did the GTA GTG go? I'm dying for news and pics....come on people!!!! Hope you had a wonderful time!!!
I had a really nice birthday. I went to Buffalo with a friend and she treated me all day. I felt like a princess. We had breakfast at Denny's and lunch at The Olive Garden and she also gave me a new pair of jeans and a tee shirt and some bath/body stuff. We had a nice day, just shopping, browsing, walking, eating and chatting.
Will do more family stuff over the weekend.
Ok - off to bed...I am dead on my feet!!!
Oct 30, 2009
Oct 28, 2009
Winding Down Wednesday
Hello everyone,
I am still overwhelmed by the personal issues going on right now, but I am more "up" today and more like myself. I still have no appetite - but I am eating every 3-4 hours. Today I gave in to Wendy's for lunch because I didn't bring anything and I took 2 bites of burger and a handful of fries and honestly could feel the grease settling in my stomach so I threw the rest out. I have an apple for later, so I'll be fine until I get home.
It's going to be a busy night tonight, I have to take my 12 yo son to get new glasses and that will be a major chore as he doesn't want to wear them in the first place and last time it took him 3 stores and about 50 pairs before he settled on one pair that he didn't really like, but he didn't dislike as much as all the others. THEN, I need to get both the boys winter coats. They are now wearing mens' sizes so that may be a bit easier than when they were wearing boys' sizes and they will have more selection. Then we need to get dinner and groceries. Like I said, long night!
Friday is my birthday so I am off work that day and have planned to go to Buffalo with a good friend for lunch and some Christmas-present window shopping. Not planning to really shop on this trip, just see what's out there and look around. There is also a GTA blogger meetup that night but I think my husband and boys are taking me out to dinner when I get back from Buffalo so I won't be able to make it. I'd love to meet all you great ladies - hopefully we can do it another time.
Weight wise, I don't know where I am as I still don't have a scale. This is the longest I have gone without weighing myself since I started back in January. I don't think I've gained as my clothes do feel looser and I've lost another inch off my waist, but I don't know how much, if any I've lost either. I am not anxious to buy a scale either, I was at first - but now, I seem content without it. I will cave at some point because I am so looking forward to getting into Onederland and I don't want to miss it!!!
Did you catch The Biggest Loser last night? I will write my thoughts on that tonight as I'm at work and should get back to work :)
Oct 27, 2009
The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Welcome to my Tuesday.
I used to read this book to my boys when they were little...today I felt like I was living it.
I did manage to get through the entire day only crying for about 20 seconds, once. Thankfully I was alone.
I did eat every few hours. I haven't had dinner yet and I am not hungry at all. I will have some milk and toast or cheese on toast before bed so I don't have a low during the night.
Tomorrow will be easier.
I used to read this book to my boys when they were little...today I felt like I was living it.
I did manage to get through the entire day only crying for about 20 seconds, once. Thankfully I was alone.
I did eat every few hours. I haven't had dinner yet and I am not hungry at all. I will have some milk and toast or cheese on toast before bed so I don't have a low during the night.
Tomorrow will be easier.
Emotionally Under-Eating
Yesterday started off being a good day.
By 5 p.m. I had received three pieces of bad news and I was an emotional wreck. I had to drive home in rush hour traffic and it took over an hour. The entire time I just kept telling myself not to start crying, because I knew if I did, I would not be able to drive and all I wanted to do was get home.
Once I got home, I just went to bed. I didn't want to see the boys or my husband, I was so distraught, I just didn't want to be around anyone.
The boys went out to get pizza and Den brought some up to me - I couldn't eat it. Even the smell of it was making me feel ill.
When I am a little stressed - bad day at work, bad commute, fight with the kids etc. I reach for chocolate or fast food. When I am alot stressed - like life-changing stuff - I don't eat at all. Even the thought of eating makes me feel ill and nauseated. Having diabetes and not eating do not go well together. I woke up at 3 a.m. this morning with a blood sugar low and had to have a glass of milk and some arrowroot biscuits. I never did get back to sleep. I just had a glass of milk for breakfast and I felt like I was going to gag swallowing it. It is going to be a long day.
Some of you might think that under-eating is better than over-eating but truly it isn't. It's just as bad. It screws with your metabolism and blood sugar levels and when you do start eating properly again, your body holds on to every calorie until you convince it you won't starve it again.
Oct 26, 2009
Monday, Monday
Back to work this morning. Ugh. The weekends go by too quickly, don't they?
I had a quiet night last night and was asleep by about 10 I think.
I wasn't at all hungry when I woke up this morning, which is usual after a day of "heavy" food so I just had a Carnation Instant Breakfast and I'll go over to Loblaws at lunch and pick up a frozen entree for lunch or a fresh salad...depends what I feel like when the time comes. My blood sugar was good all day yesterday and fasting this morning was 6.1 which means that, foodwise, yesterday was a success. I didn't get any exercise in, but I knew I wouldn't so I don't feel badly about that.
I have a doctor's appointment right after work so I won't be getting home until later. I think I'll just pick up a roast chicken from Sobey's or Costco and make some salad/rice to go with it when I get home. The boys love the chicken and we use the leftovers for their lunches or soup the next day. It's quick, easy and still healthy and reasonably priced considering it feeds four of us with leftovers!
It was dark when I left for work this morning and it will most likely be dark when I am driving home. I hate this part of Fall/Winter. It feels like I am always in the dark and completely miss the daylight. I have to make a huge effort to make sure I get outside during the day otherwise I start to feel...almost claustrophobic from all the darkness, you know?
Have a great Monday and I'll check back with you all later tonight.
Today's quote, perfect for Monday morning!
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I had a quiet night last night and was asleep by about 10 I think.
I wasn't at all hungry when I woke up this morning, which is usual after a day of "heavy" food so I just had a Carnation Instant Breakfast and I'll go over to Loblaws at lunch and pick up a frozen entree for lunch or a fresh salad...depends what I feel like when the time comes. My blood sugar was good all day yesterday and fasting this morning was 6.1 which means that, foodwise, yesterday was a success. I didn't get any exercise in, but I knew I wouldn't so I don't feel badly about that.
I have a doctor's appointment right after work so I won't be getting home until later. I think I'll just pick up a roast chicken from Sobey's or Costco and make some salad/rice to go with it when I get home. The boys love the chicken and we use the leftovers for their lunches or soup the next day. It's quick, easy and still healthy and reasonably priced considering it feeds four of us with leftovers!
It was dark when I left for work this morning and it will most likely be dark when I am driving home. I hate this part of Fall/Winter. It feels like I am always in the dark and completely miss the daylight. I have to make a huge effort to make sure I get outside during the day otherwise I start to feel...almost claustrophobic from all the darkness, you know?
Have a great Monday and I'll check back with you all later tonight.
Today's quote, perfect for Monday morning!
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Oct 25, 2009
Lazy Sunday
Today was a very, very lazy day. I went over to a freind's house for a girls' get together and basically did NOTHING all day. I chatted, ate, read - repeat for 7 hours! These are a great group of women that I met through various avenues and within the group there are some of us that are closer than others or known each other longer, but when we come together it is just so "easy".
The rest of them are into knitting so it was actually a "knitting get together" but since I don't knit, I was the official do nothing-er for the day :)
Lots of good eats - veggies and dip, cheese and crackers, cupcakes, Bits'n'Bites, pizza, nuts/trail mix and I made a vegetable chili. I had a few bites of everything and 2 cupcakes with some Coke Zero and two cups of coffee. I have no idea in terms of portion sizes/points that I ate, but I didn't over eat and I had the chili as a meal and the rest was just snacking throughout the day. Probably high in calories because of the type of food it all was - but I didn't stuff myself or feel uncomfortable which is a success in my books.
One of the women there, I'll call her J, had a lapband put in, in December of last year. I haven't seen her since February. In February she had lost about 40 lbs but when I saw her today, it was clear she has gained those 40lbs and then some, back. I feel very badly for her, I know she was hoping to be at goal by Christmas of this year.
I had seriously considered gastric bypass surgery last year and even had left it open - I'm still on the waiting list - but I have pretty much decided I don't want to do it. There was a variety of reasons for exploring the surgery and a variety of reasons for my ultimate decision. I have nothing against it, I think for some people, it is the only chance to lose weight to save their life. The fact that I am on the waiting list shows you how serious I was about it at one point. I won't make my final decision until my turn comes up - probably sometime Spring/Summer 2010. Hopefully by that time my BMI will be too low to be eligible for the surgery.
I don't know why J's lapband hasn't been as successful for her as she thought it would be. I didn't ask and she didn't mention it, I am sure at some point she will be ready to talk about it and it will be intersting to hear her thoughts on it.
The rest of them are into knitting so it was actually a "knitting get together" but since I don't knit, I was the official do nothing-er for the day :)
Lots of good eats - veggies and dip, cheese and crackers, cupcakes, Bits'n'Bites, pizza, nuts/trail mix and I made a vegetable chili. I had a few bites of everything and 2 cupcakes with some Coke Zero and two cups of coffee. I have no idea in terms of portion sizes/points that I ate, but I didn't over eat and I had the chili as a meal and the rest was just snacking throughout the day. Probably high in calories because of the type of food it all was - but I didn't stuff myself or feel uncomfortable which is a success in my books.
One of the women there, I'll call her J, had a lapband put in, in December of last year. I haven't seen her since February. In February she had lost about 40 lbs but when I saw her today, it was clear she has gained those 40lbs and then some, back. I feel very badly for her, I know she was hoping to be at goal by Christmas of this year.
I had seriously considered gastric bypass surgery last year and even had left it open - I'm still on the waiting list - but I have pretty much decided I don't want to do it. There was a variety of reasons for exploring the surgery and a variety of reasons for my ultimate decision. I have nothing against it, I think for some people, it is the only chance to lose weight to save their life. The fact that I am on the waiting list shows you how serious I was about it at one point. I won't make my final decision until my turn comes up - probably sometime Spring/Summer 2010. Hopefully by that time my BMI will be too low to be eligible for the surgery.
I don't know why J's lapband hasn't been as successful for her as she thought it would be. I didn't ask and she didn't mention it, I am sure at some point she will be ready to talk about it and it will be intersting to hear her thoughts on it.
Oct 24, 2009
Weekend Want Power
Happy Saturday from another rainy, cold, dark and gloomy morning in Mississauga. It is after 9:00 now and looking out my front window it looks more like 7 a.m. Fall has arrived!!!
Thanks to Candace over at Believing in C - C is me for solving the 29th follower mystery! I was following her for a while so I guess I didn't recognize her face as "new" on my list. She is a very funny, down to earth blogger, go check her out :)
Today's thought:
“It's not that I'm so smart , it's just that I stay with problems longer .”
Albert Einstein quotes (German born American Physicist who developed the special and general theories of relativity. Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921. 1879-1955)
Isn't that so true about this whole weight loss/healthy lifestyle thing. Those who are successful are the ones who keep at it, day after day after day. Those who keep at it long after the excitement of learning about nutrition and exercise and new programs, finding new blogs, seeing initial weight loss or fitness goals met - those who keep at it when its no longer fun and exciting, those who keep at it when its truly hard for them or through personal challenges - THOSE ARE THE ONES WHO FIND SUCCESS!
The first time I lost 100lbs I started in 1995 when my first son wasn't even a year old. I did Weight Watcher meetings with my best friend and since we commuted to work together we would alternate weeks and take turns packing lunches for each other. This was great because one week I didn't need to worry about healthy lunches and snacks and the next week I had to do it because Lisa was counting on me. We went to meetings together every Wednesday night and we walked almost every night with my son in a wagon or stroller and on weekends we did longer walks with my husband joining us. Lisa got to goal in 1997. She lost 120lbs. In 1996 I found myself pregnant with my second son, 22lbs from my goal. I was so happy to be pregnant but so worried about gaining weight.
I stayed on Weight Watchers pregnancy plan (they don't offer it any more) and with my Ob/Gyn's supervision, I only gained 35lbs during my pregnancy and the morning after Liam was born I was exactly my pre pregnancy weight. I was overjoyed. Then the problems started....but that's another story for another day.
The point of the story is that Lisa and I stuck with it. Day in, day out. Some days I didn't want to make lunch for two people, but I did because I wanted to stick with my committment more than I wanted to go to bed early. Some nights I didn't want to walk, but I did because I wanted to lose weight more than I wanted to sit in front of the TV. Sometimes I didn't want to go to meetings, but I did because I wanted to lose weight more than I was afraid of a "bad" weigh in. It was all about want power. Not will power.
Over the years, I've started and stopped weight loss efforts. Usually I get through the honeymoon phase and give up.
Why bother if it's not working?
Why bother if I have to work so hard for so little results?
This time around has been almost 9 months and my attitude starting out and continuing through is different this time. There is no stopping. There is no quitting. If I fall down, or stumble, or have a bad day or week, I will just start over with my very next meal. Every day I will do the best I can. I will accept that some days my best is better than others.
Quitting means gaining more weight, getting sicker and living not only a shorter time period but in a less productive and meaningful way. I don't WANT any of those things, therefore I can't quit.
Anyway, it seems to be working for me so far and although every day is not easy, I do the best I can with what I have to work with that day.
This morning for breakfast I made the Hungry Girl Carrot Cake-Pumpkin Pancakes. I thinned the batter out with some more milk so they wouldn't be as dense and they came out thinner and crispier but still really delicious. I didn't bother with the glaze this time and just used some maple syrup. Fall on a plate, I tell you!
Plans for today include cleaning up my house, grocery shopping and baking for a girls' get together at a friends house tomorrow. There will be about 6 of us I think and there are always lots of yummy, decadent treats so my WANT challenge for tomorrow is enjoy the visit with some amazing women I haven't seen in quite a while, focus on the conversation, enjoy moderate portions of the yumminess and make sure I eat a balance of foods so I don't end up with high or low blood sugar over the course of the day.
If I consciously and deliberately think of how a certain food or portion size will affect my blood sugar BEFORE I take that first bite, it is so much easier to stay in control because the blood sugar reaction is an immediate concern that I feel very quickly. If I think of the food in terms of weight loss, I am the master of convincing myself that I can make up for it later, eat less tomorrow, walk longer later etc. I want to feel better now, I don't want to do more work later.
Anyway, if you've read this far -thanks!!! Have a great Saturday!! I'll check in later.
Thanks to Candace over at Believing in C - C is me for solving the 29th follower mystery! I was following her for a while so I guess I didn't recognize her face as "new" on my list. She is a very funny, down to earth blogger, go check her out :)
Today's thought:
“It's not that I'm so smart , it's just that I stay with problems longer .”
Albert Einstein quotes (German born American Physicist who developed the special and general theories of relativity. Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921. 1879-1955)
Isn't that so true about this whole weight loss/healthy lifestyle thing. Those who are successful are the ones who keep at it, day after day after day. Those who keep at it long after the excitement of learning about nutrition and exercise and new programs, finding new blogs, seeing initial weight loss or fitness goals met - those who keep at it when its no longer fun and exciting, those who keep at it when its truly hard for them or through personal challenges - THOSE ARE THE ONES WHO FIND SUCCESS!
The first time I lost 100lbs I started in 1995 when my first son wasn't even a year old. I did Weight Watcher meetings with my best friend and since we commuted to work together we would alternate weeks and take turns packing lunches for each other. This was great because one week I didn't need to worry about healthy lunches and snacks and the next week I had to do it because Lisa was counting on me. We went to meetings together every Wednesday night and we walked almost every night with my son in a wagon or stroller and on weekends we did longer walks with my husband joining us. Lisa got to goal in 1997. She lost 120lbs. In 1996 I found myself pregnant with my second son, 22lbs from my goal. I was so happy to be pregnant but so worried about gaining weight.
I stayed on Weight Watchers pregnancy plan (they don't offer it any more) and with my Ob/Gyn's supervision, I only gained 35lbs during my pregnancy and the morning after Liam was born I was exactly my pre pregnancy weight. I was overjoyed. Then the problems started....but that's another story for another day.
The point of the story is that Lisa and I stuck with it. Day in, day out. Some days I didn't want to make lunch for two people, but I did because I wanted to stick with my committment more than I wanted to go to bed early. Some nights I didn't want to walk, but I did because I wanted to lose weight more than I wanted to sit in front of the TV. Sometimes I didn't want to go to meetings, but I did because I wanted to lose weight more than I was afraid of a "bad" weigh in. It was all about want power. Not will power.
Over the years, I've started and stopped weight loss efforts. Usually I get through the honeymoon phase and give up.
Why bother if it's not working?
Why bother if I have to work so hard for so little results?
This time around has been almost 9 months and my attitude starting out and continuing through is different this time. There is no stopping. There is no quitting. If I fall down, or stumble, or have a bad day or week, I will just start over with my very next meal. Every day I will do the best I can. I will accept that some days my best is better than others.
Quitting means gaining more weight, getting sicker and living not only a shorter time period but in a less productive and meaningful way. I don't WANT any of those things, therefore I can't quit.
Anyway, it seems to be working for me so far and although every day is not easy, I do the best I can with what I have to work with that day.
This morning for breakfast I made the Hungry Girl Carrot Cake-Pumpkin Pancakes. I thinned the batter out with some more milk so they wouldn't be as dense and they came out thinner and crispier but still really delicious. I didn't bother with the glaze this time and just used some maple syrup. Fall on a plate, I tell you!
Plans for today include cleaning up my house, grocery shopping and baking for a girls' get together at a friends house tomorrow. There will be about 6 of us I think and there are always lots of yummy, decadent treats so my WANT challenge for tomorrow is enjoy the visit with some amazing women I haven't seen in quite a while, focus on the conversation, enjoy moderate portions of the yumminess and make sure I eat a balance of foods so I don't end up with high or low blood sugar over the course of the day.
If I consciously and deliberately think of how a certain food or portion size will affect my blood sugar BEFORE I take that first bite, it is so much easier to stay in control because the blood sugar reaction is an immediate concern that I feel very quickly. If I think of the food in terms of weight loss, I am the master of convincing myself that I can make up for it later, eat less tomorrow, walk longer later etc. I want to feel better now, I don't want to do more work later.
Anyway, if you've read this far -thanks!!! Have a great Saturday!! I'll check in later.
Oct 23, 2009
29
I have a new follower...but I can't figure out who it is. I wish Blogger would send a note when a new follower signs on.
But..I am at 29 - very exciting for me :)
But..I am at 29 - very exciting for me :)
Finally Friday
Good Morning,
Yesterday was a strangely calm day. it was busy and stressful at work...but I didn't freak out (internally) or feel harried or overwhelmed. My lunch plans changed, my dinner plans changed - but I just took it in stride. Waking up this morning, I realised, yesterday was a completely "normal" day. I haven't had a normal day in so long I think I had forgotten what one felt like.
With two teenage boys in the house and my husband's health challenges, my job hunting and other extended family issues - it has seemed every day for the last little while had some kind of "drama". I don't mean that in a negative way - ups and downs are part of life - but ups and downs sure do take alot of out me over time.
Although its rainy and dark here in downtown Toronto - it is shaping up to be a good day for me. I am only in my office for half the day and then I am going to our Head Office for a two hour training session til 3, then I am heading home. I only live 10 min from Head Office so I will be home super early for a Friday. Nice!
Today's thought:
Isn't that what we do in Blog Land? Brag a little, cry a little but recognize and support each other ALOT.
I haven't had breakfast yet but I am heading over to Loblaws in a few minutes and I will pick up a yogurt and some fruit. Lunch ...up in the air at the moment. Dinner is homemade burgers on the barbecue with salad. Normally when I have no meal plan I am in a panic mode because I am afraid I will eat something "bad for me" out of haste or desperation...but I don't feel that way today. Loblaws is a huge grocery store - there are lots of healthy options in a grocery store - I just need to go in and pick one. There are more healthy options available to me right now (by going to the grocery store) than there were staring back at me in from my fridge this morning.
Oct 22, 2009
Thursday's Thought
Good morning!
Today's thought:
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”
Another great day ahead today. Woke up feeling refreshed and ready to go. This is normally the most stressful week of the month for me at work, but this time I am just taking it minute by minute and not panicking or freaking out.
It is supposed to get up to 17 C today so it is a perfect day for a walk to St. Lawrence Market at lunch time. It's about 15 minutes each way from my workplace.
Breakfast today was Nature's Organics Flax Plus Bran Flakes wiht skim milk and 1/2 a banana.
Lunch is a green salad with lots and lots of veggies and some grated cheese, olive oil and lemon juice for a dressing.
Dinner will be grilled haddock and vegetables.
Today's thought:
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”
To me, this equates to "Never give up". Giving up is not an option. Starting over a million times or more is the only option.
Another great day ahead today. Woke up feeling refreshed and ready to go. This is normally the most stressful week of the month for me at work, but this time I am just taking it minute by minute and not panicking or freaking out.
It is supposed to get up to 17 C today so it is a perfect day for a walk to St. Lawrence Market at lunch time. It's about 15 minutes each way from my workplace.
Breakfast today was Nature's Organics Flax Plus Bran Flakes wiht skim milk and 1/2 a banana.
Lunch is a green salad with lots and lots of veggies and some grated cheese, olive oil and lemon juice for a dressing.
Dinner will be grilled haddock and vegetables.
Oct 21, 2009
All About “The Biggest Loser”
So…did you see last night’s episode?
There was a challenge and the winning team had the choice of going home for a week, or giving the week at home to the losing team.
Blue team won and decided they didn’t want to lose a week at the ranch so the black team went home.
What struck me right away was that when Shay got home, it seemed no one was expecting her. Her husband and stepsons were sitting at the table and seemed surprised when she walked in. One boy even asked, “Where have you been Shay?”. No one ran to her to hug her or jumped up and down when she walked in.
By comparison, the other contestants had people overjoyed to see them, overjoyed to hug them and tell them how great they looked.
I wondered if this was clever editing designed to make the viewer feel even more pity towards Shay and her weight loss journey. Based on what we saw, she seems to have the least amount of support at home.
All of the contestants (except Daniel) lost weight at home, probably just as much as they would have lost at the ranch. Danny lost a whopping 15 lbs but from the footage we saw, he seemed very dedicated and conscientious and his wife and kids were hugely supportive. I think this was a good exercise for the team, they know what their challenges will be when they go home and they still have time to work on them while at the ranch so they will be better prepared when they do go home for good. As well, I think it was confidence boosting – especially for Amanda.
What did I take away from this week’s show? My number one thought is that it really is all about making choices every day, every hour, every minute, every second. Except for Danny, they all chose to eat out with friends/family, they all chose healthy from the menu, they all chose to continue exercising and they all chose to tell their friends/family about their new lifestyles.
I was sorry Dina went home. Of the black team, I think either Danny or Dina were the only two equipped to make it on their own and I am thrilled she is doing so well. I can’t wait to see her at the finale!
I can control the choices I make and I can control the people I allow to have influence over me. Those who are not supportive don’t get to tell me how to live my life or have input. That doesn’t mean I’m going cut people out of my life – that’s not realistic and would cause way more problems in the long run. It means that I will choose to spend more time, more ideas, more thoughts, more of me – with those who are supportive of me. Not just now while I’m losing weight, but for the rest of my life.
A few weeks ago I ordered The Biggest Loser 30-Day Jump Start and it arrived today! Yay!!! I like the format. For each day it has a menu plan and a workout and a success/motivating story as well as training/diet tips. (Diet in the sense of “food you eat” not “a diet”). I am not good with menu plans as I don’t like alot of the stuff they tend to put in them, but I like the idea of a workout laid out that I can mix and match and pick and choose new routines.
It’s meant to be followed for 30 days straight. Like I said last night, I’m not jumping on any more bandwagons, I’m just doing what I know how to do and what was working up until a few months ago. Eat healthy food in moderate portions and exercise 4-5 days a week. The book will help to motivate me, keep me focused and give me new ideas. None of that is a bad thing!
As for day – it was a great day. I felt lighter. I felt like I was walking on air. I felt like I could take on the world, you know? I didn’t feel sluggish and crappy by 3 p.m. like I have been, I didn’t feel tired, I didn’t feel short tempered (amazing how level blood sugar makes a huge difference!), I didn’t feel overwhelmed.
I have chicken breasts marinating for supper. We’re having grilled chicken breasts, basmati rice with carrots and peas and I will have grilled zucchini as well to complement the smaller portion of rice I will have.
Lunch was spinach salad I picked up from Loblaws salad bar. Breakfast was an Instant Carnation Shake – I need to get back in the breakfast habit again.
No exercise yet, but the night is young ;) I may hit the treadmill for an episode of Lost or House later on.
Stay tuned for some “Biggest Loser” news in the next day or so!
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Thank you for your comments on last night's post. It was nice to see them this morning.
I woke up this morning feeling emotionally and mentally stronger than I have in weeks. I feel like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I got ready for work this morning and looked in the bathroom mirror and said, "I am strong. Today I will eat to nourish and strengthen my body. I will walk to exercise my body and rest my mind."
I packed my breakfast and my vitamins and I headed out. Honestly, it feels like a fog has been lifted from my vision. Everything seems so much clearer than it has in the last few months. I had lost my focus - I feel like it's in my grasp again. I was starting to doubt myself and that was beginning to unravel me. I think I've tied another knot (and its not a noose!!) and am hanging on tight.
I want to post about The Biggest Loser later today so will do that after lunch most likely or when I get home tonight. Hope you all have a wonderful day :)
Oct 20, 2009
One Day at a Time
Well. Here I am. Not sure what to say to be honest. I am introverted by nature (INJF for those that are into that stuff) and I am finding that sometimes I just don't want to share thoughts or ideas. I am like this is real life too, not just here. It is easier "here" in the anonymity of Blogland to blurt out ideas and successes and challenges and failures and fears than it is to someone face to face - but even so - sometimes I'm just not feelin' it, you know?
Anyway, I am chugging along. This isn't exciting - this daily grind of counting points, measuring food, exercising...it just IS. It's mostly become a habit now. Sure, somedays I eat less healthy than others, some days I eat completely unhealthy and don't exercise - but I am so much more conscious of the choices I make every day. I don't beat myself up anymore for having Wendy's for lunch 1 day a week, or for watching a tv show instead of going for a walk, or having cream instead of milk in my coffee. This is for the rest of my life. Right now I am living and I want to enjoy every aspect of it. There's no point in me losing 100lbs and then going back and eating everything that I avoided to be able to do that - then I will gain 150lbs back in less time than it took to lose the 100. Mostly I am plodding along, my losses are slow but I am feeling so much better about this whole "journey" and about myself and I think that's more important than seeing big losses for a week or two then jumping back up and down the same 2-3lbs because I can't sustain it reasonably.
I think I am following a 75/25 pattern. 75% of the time, I eat well and I exercise. The other 25%, I'm lazy and overindulge. I'd like to get to an 80/20 or 85/15 split - but I'm not obsessing over it. I am counting points every day, even when those points far exceed the 26 I'm allotted. It keeps me grounded and makes me realise that I can't eat like that ALL THE TIME and forces me to make better choices the next day to balance it out. I exercise 4-6 times a week, but I am not making rules or schedules. I just do it.
I had a goal to get to 199 by my birthday. At just about 10 days a way, it's not going to happen - but I'm ok with it. I was disappointed for a few days and I probably will be when I step on that scale on that morning. I have to accept this isn't a race. This is my life and I have to do this the way that works for me. I have to the confidence in myself to know I know what I'm doing, I know how to treat my body and I am doing something I can live with for the next 30-40 years. I will always have to watch what I eat. I know from past experience that the minute I stop thinking about what I put in my mouth - the weight comes back on at lightening speed. So I will never be able to stop thinking about it. I will never be a skinny person who can eat whatever she wants. I don't have that kind of metabolism or gene pool.
So..my goal is no more goals...no more challenges, no more games with myself or others. When I started this time around in February of this year, my "goal" was to take one day at a time. To wake up in the morning and consciously and firmly make the decision to eat well and exercise that day. That was it. Nothing more complicated than that. Nothing beyond that promise to myself for the day. Some days I did well, other days not so well. Some days were disasters, but it was one day. My ultimate goal was to manage my blood sugar levels and feel "better". I knew that losing weight would be a side effect of eating properly, managing blood sugar and exercising. It wasn't the goal in itself....somehow I'd lost sight of that orignal deal with myself.
Since joining WW online and reading more and more blogs, I've got caught up in the "hype" of weight loss. The numbers and the competition. The only person I need to compete with is me. The only person I am doing this for is me. The only person who has live to with myself is me. The only person who puts food in my mouth is me.
That's not to say that I've not gained tremendous support and inspiration and motivation from the online communities, it just means that I needed to step back and remember why I started down this road and what I wanted to accomplish.
Anyway, I am chugging along. This isn't exciting - this daily grind of counting points, measuring food, exercising...it just IS. It's mostly become a habit now. Sure, somedays I eat less healthy than others, some days I eat completely unhealthy and don't exercise - but I am so much more conscious of the choices I make every day. I don't beat myself up anymore for having Wendy's for lunch 1 day a week, or for watching a tv show instead of going for a walk, or having cream instead of milk in my coffee. This is for the rest of my life. Right now I am living and I want to enjoy every aspect of it. There's no point in me losing 100lbs and then going back and eating everything that I avoided to be able to do that - then I will gain 150lbs back in less time than it took to lose the 100. Mostly I am plodding along, my losses are slow but I am feeling so much better about this whole "journey" and about myself and I think that's more important than seeing big losses for a week or two then jumping back up and down the same 2-3lbs because I can't sustain it reasonably.
I think I am following a 75/25 pattern. 75% of the time, I eat well and I exercise. The other 25%, I'm lazy and overindulge. I'd like to get to an 80/20 or 85/15 split - but I'm not obsessing over it. I am counting points every day, even when those points far exceed the 26 I'm allotted. It keeps me grounded and makes me realise that I can't eat like that ALL THE TIME and forces me to make better choices the next day to balance it out. I exercise 4-6 times a week, but I am not making rules or schedules. I just do it.
I had a goal to get to 199 by my birthday. At just about 10 days a way, it's not going to happen - but I'm ok with it. I was disappointed for a few days and I probably will be when I step on that scale on that morning. I have to accept this isn't a race. This is my life and I have to do this the way that works for me. I have to the confidence in myself to know I know what I'm doing, I know how to treat my body and I am doing something I can live with for the next 30-40 years. I will always have to watch what I eat. I know from past experience that the minute I stop thinking about what I put in my mouth - the weight comes back on at lightening speed. So I will never be able to stop thinking about it. I will never be a skinny person who can eat whatever she wants. I don't have that kind of metabolism or gene pool.
So..my goal is no more goals...no more challenges, no more games with myself or others. When I started this time around in February of this year, my "goal" was to take one day at a time. To wake up in the morning and consciously and firmly make the decision to eat well and exercise that day. That was it. Nothing more complicated than that. Nothing beyond that promise to myself for the day. Some days I did well, other days not so well. Some days were disasters, but it was one day. My ultimate goal was to manage my blood sugar levels and feel "better". I knew that losing weight would be a side effect of eating properly, managing blood sugar and exercising. It wasn't the goal in itself....somehow I'd lost sight of that orignal deal with myself.
Since joining WW online and reading more and more blogs, I've got caught up in the "hype" of weight loss. The numbers and the competition. The only person I need to compete with is me. The only person I am doing this for is me. The only person who has live to with myself is me. The only person who puts food in my mouth is me.
That's not to say that I've not gained tremendous support and inspiration and motivation from the online communities, it just means that I needed to step back and remember why I started down this road and what I wanted to accomplish.
Oct 17, 2009
Quick NSV Post
Jeans - size 14.
'Nuff said.
More later :)
P.S. This isn't "me" but is my jeans. I'm only 5' tall so capris on me are full length...gotta love end of summer sales.
Oct 15, 2009
Recipe Review: Hungry Girl Crazy-Good Carrot-Cake Pancakes
Recipe from Hungry Girl Website (the recipe is second on the page, scroll down a bit!)
I subscribe the Hungry Girl daily email and usually take a quick glance at the recipes but not much catches my eye. Sometimes I’ll get inspiration from the recipes to make something similar. The problem I have with her recipes is that she uses alot of prepackaged/processed “stuff”. As I’m trying to eat healthier and cleaner, it seems counterproductive to use processed food to cut calories. I have to admit that some of her desserts are amazingly delicious, quick and easy to make – and are great for a “girls’ get together” when you want the decadence but not the calories!
Anyway, I love pumpkin and I love carrot cake so when I saw this recipe today – I knew I was having it for dinner. By some stroke of karmic cooking luck, I had some leftover pumpkin puree and leftover pineapple in my fridge – if I hadn’t, I’m not sure I would have bought cans just to make these – although – if I did, I could easily eat them every night – they were that good!!!
At 5 points for the entire recipe, this was two huge pancakes – very dense and filling. I found the glaze to be a little too sweet for my liking and I think next time I’d cut back on the sugar a bit – and it was a bit thick – so I thinned it out with some hot water…but it was plenty of glaze for just two pancakes.
I’m a little leery of how these will affect my blood sugar, but I’ll know in a couple of hours when I check (and I’ll post back and let you know), although they are not really high in sugar – they are high in carbs. 56 carbs in one meal is alot!
Did I mention they were delicious? In every bite I could taste raisin, pumpkin, cinnamon, carrot and the pineapple….and the glaze was just like cream cheese icing. With a slice of bacon to round my plate – this was a great dinner.
Update: 2 hours after eating the pancakes for dinner my blood sugar was 8.6. For me, after meals my optimal range is 7.0-9.0 so this was a pretty good meal.
Oct 14, 2009
Blah Blah Blah
Do you ever feel like you just have nothing to say that is worth listening to?
Yeah...that's where I am the last few days.
I am reading all your blogs though and am thrilled to read of your successes :)
Talk to you soon.
Enz
Yeah...that's where I am the last few days.
I am reading all your blogs though and am thrilled to read of your successes :)
Talk to you soon.
Enz
Oct 12, 2009
Bubble and Squeak
Hello,
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving Holiday.
It was so nice not to have to go to work today. Mostly I did housework, watched TV and read. It was a pretty lazy day which is nice once in a while.
I did ok eating today. Carbs were cut significantly! I made Bubble and Squeak for dinner - so good! Somehow all that stuff tastes better when its mixed together and reheated :)
Tomorrow is back to real life, work, school - working out, eating properly!!
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving Holiday.
It was so nice not to have to go to work today. Mostly I did housework, watched TV and read. It was a pretty lazy day which is nice once in a while.
I did ok eating today. Carbs were cut significantly! I made Bubble and Squeak for dinner - so good! Somehow all that stuff tastes better when its mixed together and reheated :)
Tomorrow is back to real life, work, school - working out, eating properly!!
Oct 11, 2009
Thanksgiving
Long time no blog!!
I am thankful for so many things today. My family, my friends, the country I live in, how fortunate I am to be working and healthy enough to work, my love of reading, my amazing turkey-cooking abilities :) All my blogging supporters!
I'm doing ok.
I've been pretty good with my treadmill/walking - haven't done it every day but have done it most days and have been pretty consistent. This past week has been a food/eating disaster, I can't seem to get out of the carb cycle. I went to visit a friend this morning and although I love her to death, she sometimes has really bad eating habits and when I'm with her I just get caught up in it and eat things I would never eat usually. I know its ok to have treats and decadent foods now and again, but my mindset since the beginning of this year is if I'm going to have something "not good for me", it's going to be something amazing that I love - not just empty calories and not just because its sitting in front of me and I can't say no.
Well, today that went out the window, actually this whole week it has been out the window. Every night I say I am going to do better the next day and then...I don't. This cycle has to stop. So..tomorrow is a new day, Thanksgiving dinner (although that is probably the healthiest, most balanced meal I've had all week) is over. There is no reason to eat crap when the fridge is full of healthy and easy to eat food. I'll let you know how I make out tomorrow. I just need one good day to break the cycle and detox the carbs - seriously - just one day - why can't I do it?
I still don't have a scale and that is now worrying me a bit as I have no idea where my weight is and after a disasterous week I know I need to buckle down else I will soon have gained back 37 lbs and it comes back much faster than it goes off!!!
Tomorrow is supposed to be another beautiful Fall day in the GTA so I am planning a long walk away from food!
I am thankful for so many things today. My family, my friends, the country I live in, how fortunate I am to be working and healthy enough to work, my love of reading, my amazing turkey-cooking abilities :) All my blogging supporters!
I'm doing ok.
I've been pretty good with my treadmill/walking - haven't done it every day but have done it most days and have been pretty consistent. This past week has been a food/eating disaster, I can't seem to get out of the carb cycle. I went to visit a friend this morning and although I love her to death, she sometimes has really bad eating habits and when I'm with her I just get caught up in it and eat things I would never eat usually. I know its ok to have treats and decadent foods now and again, but my mindset since the beginning of this year is if I'm going to have something "not good for me", it's going to be something amazing that I love - not just empty calories and not just because its sitting in front of me and I can't say no.
Well, today that went out the window, actually this whole week it has been out the window. Every night I say I am going to do better the next day and then...I don't. This cycle has to stop. So..tomorrow is a new day, Thanksgiving dinner (although that is probably the healthiest, most balanced meal I've had all week) is over. There is no reason to eat crap when the fridge is full of healthy and easy to eat food. I'll let you know how I make out tomorrow. I just need one good day to break the cycle and detox the carbs - seriously - just one day - why can't I do it?
I still don't have a scale and that is now worrying me a bit as I have no idea where my weight is and after a disasterous week I know I need to buckle down else I will soon have gained back 37 lbs and it comes back much faster than it goes off!!!
Tomorrow is supposed to be another beautiful Fall day in the GTA so I am planning a long walk away from food!
Oct 7, 2009
Did it. Proof in is in the pictures.
I left work at 3 today because I felt like crap. Tired, bloated, just blech. I know its because of all the crap I’ve been eating since Sunday night. I haven’t been overeating but I have been eating way, way too many processed carbs. I know they wreak havoc on my blood sugar, I know I will feel like crap, I know I gain water/sodium weight and yet I still do it. I am insane.
I came home, and all I wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep all night. I could easily have done that. I told myself I would do the 45 minutes “later”. I got undressed and looked at the treadmill. I *knew* I wouldn’t do it later. So…I put on my running shoes and just did it. I watched an episode of House while walking and although the time did not fly by – it was pretty quick. And when I was done – wow – I felt so much better! I was a hot, sweaty mess but I felt energized and happy and better than I have felt in the last three days. A hot shower and my favourite shower gel and I am practically a new person!!!
45 minutes and 1.71 miles. My goal is to get up to 2 miles in 45 minutes.
Me – hot, sweaty mess but feeling great.
Oct 4, 2009
Carb Hangover on the Way
Just got back from a friend's house for dinner. I ate way, way too many carbs. I know I will have a carb hangover in the morning. I knew as I was eating it I would have a carb hangover in the morning, but that didn't stop me. I didn't so much overeat as I did just not eat balanced and nowhere near enough protein. But there wasn't alot of options so I just ate what was there.
To make matters worse, I forgot my diabetes meds that I take with meals, at home. So my blood sugar is really high right now. I know it will come down - I'm not concerned about that - I just feel like crap and I know tomorrow is going to be a rough day and when I feel "rough", I have a really hard time making good choices around food or exercise. So this is my note to myself for tomorrow.
"Drink lots of water. Go for a walk at lunch time. Eat clean, whole foods all day. Eat lots of protein. And you WILL feel better."
Ok....now to remind myself to read this in the morning and I will be all set!!!
To make matters worse, I forgot my diabetes meds that I take with meals, at home. So my blood sugar is really high right now. I know it will come down - I'm not concerned about that - I just feel like crap and I know tomorrow is going to be a rough day and when I feel "rough", I have a really hard time making good choices around food or exercise. So this is my note to myself for tomorrow.
"Drink lots of water. Go for a walk at lunch time. Eat clean, whole foods all day. Eat lots of protein. And you WILL feel better."
Ok....now to remind myself to read this in the morning and I will be all set!!!
Day 13/14/15
Happy Sunday!
Thanks to all of you who left me comments or emails about yesterday's post. It means alot to know that you guys are out there cheering me on, no matter what.
I didn't mean to leave the impression that I can't do any exercise at all. I can do lots of exercise, just nothing that will put added pressure/force on my knees til I lose another 50lbs or so. I love walking / hiking - nothing is stopping me from doing that. I also love Aquafit, which is great for sore joints/muscles. I was just disappointed because I was trying so hard to do MORE, to run, to do The Shred and other high impact workouts. But workouts don't need to be high impact to be effective.
The first time I lost 80lbs I did it with WW and walking. Just walking. I didn't do any other exercise until after I'd lost 80lbs. I walked every day 45 minutes without fail, regardless of the weather or how I felt. Every day for 9 months. I was lean and fit.
Anyway - that's my plan. Walk as much as I can. Look into aquafit in my neighbourhood and learning how to swim. That's tonight's project.
In light of this, I've had to edit my 40 day challenge goals. Today is Day 15 – time flies! I have 25 days left til my birthday and to meet my goal of 199 lbs. Not having a scale is a bit scary as I have no idea where I am. In trying to reach a goal of losing approx 15lbs , a pound either side seems like a lot. I’m trying not to stress about the scale – I was earlier in the week. I was frantic to get one! I think I’m more ok with it today but I can’t see not having one permanently and I am not going to wait until October 30 to check my weight!
40 Day Challenge Scorecard
| 5 Keys | Where am I? |
| Track everything | 14/15 |
| Walk 45 min everyday | 0/15 |
| Limit High Glycemic Foods | 11/15 |
| Blog Every Day | 14/15 |
| Water, Water, Water | 13/15 |
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Oct 3, 2009
Health Stuff
Hello everyone!
I didn't post last night. I got some news yesterday that upset me and I cocooned and went to bed early.
I think I mentioned when I was doing the C25K that the first time I did it outside, I had terrible pain in my knees/hips/thighs for almost a week afterwards, and also that I broke my tailbone a few years ago and it never healed properly.
Yesterday my doctor told me that I have osteoarthritis in my knees and my tailbone. My mother and grandmother both have/had arthritis so this was not news to me. She said losing weight is definitely going to be a huge help to me and every pound makes a difference. The downside is that she said she doesn't recommend running or any weight bearing exercise at this weight. She said when I get down to about 150lbs we can reassess and see if the arthritis has advanced or abated. If it is has not advanced at that point, then weight bearing exercise will actually help build the bone structure. She said at this weight, the exercise is putting more strain on the bones and outweighing the good of the exercise. Weight bearing exercise includes running, anything that puts impact on my knees, like jumping jacks, skipping, lunges, squats - this is pretty much 50% of The Shred. She said I should stick to walking, light hiking and swimming or exercises done in the water to minimize the impact.
This is definitely a downturn for me. I have only in the last 2-3 months been more physically active and trying new things. I did have to stop the C25K at week 3 because my knees were bothering me so much and I do have a really hard time with the high impact portion of The Shred.
I am not giving up though. I am just going to redouble my efforts into walking/hiking and maybe I will learn how to swim! Yep, that's right, I never learned to swim. We've had my boys in swimming since they were infants and my husband swims as well, but not me. I am not afraid of water, or deep water, I have done deep water aquafit for years and I can float and sort of swim, but not really swim properly in correct form. Learning might not be a bad idea. I'll look into it.
I found this study which talks about the various types of exercise and the impact on the knees:
•Biking generated the least force, producing impact of about 1.3 times the person's body weight.
•Treadmill walking was next best, producing forces of 2.05 the body weight.
•Walking on level ground generated forces of 2.6 times the body weight.
•Tennis produced forces of 3.1 to 3.8 times the body weight, with serving producing the highest impact.
•Jogging produced forces of 4.3 times body weight.
No wonder the running hurt so much, every time I put weight on one foot, over 800lbs of force was going through my knee!
I will post more about my revised 40 day self-challenge and how yesterday went in relation to that.
I didn't post last night. I got some news yesterday that upset me and I cocooned and went to bed early.
I think I mentioned when I was doing the C25K that the first time I did it outside, I had terrible pain in my knees/hips/thighs for almost a week afterwards, and also that I broke my tailbone a few years ago and it never healed properly.
Yesterday my doctor told me that I have osteoarthritis in my knees and my tailbone. My mother and grandmother both have/had arthritis so this was not news to me. She said losing weight is definitely going to be a huge help to me and every pound makes a difference. The downside is that she said she doesn't recommend running or any weight bearing exercise at this weight. She said when I get down to about 150lbs we can reassess and see if the arthritis has advanced or abated. If it is has not advanced at that point, then weight bearing exercise will actually help build the bone structure. She said at this weight, the exercise is putting more strain on the bones and outweighing the good of the exercise. Weight bearing exercise includes running, anything that puts impact on my knees, like jumping jacks, skipping, lunges, squats - this is pretty much 50% of The Shred. She said I should stick to walking, light hiking and swimming or exercises done in the water to minimize the impact.
This is definitely a downturn for me. I have only in the last 2-3 months been more physically active and trying new things. I did have to stop the C25K at week 3 because my knees were bothering me so much and I do have a really hard time with the high impact portion of The Shred.
I am not giving up though. I am just going to redouble my efforts into walking/hiking and maybe I will learn how to swim! Yep, that's right, I never learned to swim. We've had my boys in swimming since they were infants and my husband swims as well, but not me. I am not afraid of water, or deep water, I have done deep water aquafit for years and I can float and sort of swim, but not really swim properly in correct form. Learning might not be a bad idea. I'll look into it.
I found this study which talks about the various types of exercise and the impact on the knees:
•Biking generated the least force, producing impact of about 1.3 times the person's body weight.
•Treadmill walking was next best, producing forces of 2.05 the body weight.
•Walking on level ground generated forces of 2.6 times the body weight.
•Tennis produced forces of 3.1 to 3.8 times the body weight, with serving producing the highest impact.
•Jogging produced forces of 4.3 times body weight.
No wonder the running hurt so much, every time I put weight on one foot, over 800lbs of force was going through my knee!
I will post more about my revised 40 day self-challenge and how yesterday went in relation to that.
Oct 1, 2009
Day 12/40
No scale yet. Today I read alot of blogs about non scale victories, so I decided I would make that my theme too. The last few weeks I’ve noticed quite a few. In no particular order :
- My rings are very, very loose. Sometimes they will slide to my first knuckle and I have to “catch” them before they do fall off.
- The size 18 jeans I bought in July are very baggy, even right out of the dryer.
- All my sweaters are longer because they don’t have to go over my previous pregnant-like belly anymore.
- All my underwear is too big, top and bottom. Today, my panties were falling down inside my too big jeans. Not comfortable, believe me!!!
- My blood sugar has been averaging (including fasting and post-meal) at 7.1. This is within the optimal range for Type II diabetes.
- I can walk farther and faster than I could a few months ago.
- I can carry laundry up two flights of stairs and not get winded.
- I sleep much better and longer than I used to.
- The 3-way jacket I was given when I started with Aecon (Women’s 2XL) now fits easily over a bulky hoody. When I first got it, I couldn’t even zip it up.
- My waist has gone from 44 inches (January 31) to 37 inches as of today.
- My BMI has gone from 47.6 to 41.6 (as of my last weigh in at 213.2 lbs).
This is a neat little tool from prevention.com. It shows what you look like now and what you may look like at another weight. Of course, it doesn’t really take into account body type and fat/muscle distribution, but it is kinda fun. Strangely enough the one on the right (at 244 lbs) really does look like how I started out. (I uploaded my face but didn’t do a good job of the cutting/pasting). In the second picture at 145 lbs – I look exactly like my younger sister – wow! Now if it could only make me taller too!!!!
Have fun with it and post your before and after!
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40 Day Challenge Scorecard
| 5 Keys | Where am I? |
| Track everything | 11/12 |
| 30 Day Shred | 6/12 |
| Limit High Glycemic Foods | 8/12 |
| Blog Every Day | 12/12 |
| Water, Water, Water | 10/12 |
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