Finding Balance

Just wanted to do a quick post to answer some emails I’ve received over the last few days as I can’t seem to pull myself together to answer them individually as  they come in.

The last few months my life has been a bit of a roller coaster. I feel like I’m living in a bad soap opera where bad stuff keeps happening to the heroine, you know the one – she gets hit by a car, in a coma, wakes up to find her husband married the Nanny, she falls in love with her doctor only to find out he’s he’s a double agent spy trying to kill her and…..and…and…you get the picture.

That’s pretty much my life right now, minus the coma, handsome doctor and nanny – but you get the idea!

I am not sure how much I will be blogging. I am trying to keep to my running/walking program and although I am not following a formal eating plan, I’m working on keeping portion sizes small and staying away from processed foods. Eating clean has always worked for me and the vegetable/fruit carbs don’t play havoc with my insulin/hormones the way processed food carbs do so because I eat so little animal protein, I found it really difficult to stick to a low-carb diet and am going to continue what I was doing before – only ‘real’ carbs, i.e. veg and fruit and I tend to avoid the more starchy ones anyway –potatoes, brown rice, corn, squash etc. 

With everything else going on in my life right now, this is what I can manage. It’s not perfect but it’s doable through this time. There have been some major life changes for me the last few months and more expected in the next few months. Right now, I just have to not fall overboard and keep my balance.

Thank you all for your emails and texts expressing concern and asking how I am. They are much appreciated.  I am still reading blogs every couple of days so I’m keeping tabs on you all.

This too shall pass.

Run For Wells - May 26, 2012

Run For Wells

Click on the link above to go to My Events page where there's a recap of the race and photos.

And the world keeps spinning....

Same old, same old in my corner of the world.  Right now my focus is on maintaining. Life is a bit crazy on many fronts  and I can’t deal with the added pressure of weight loss right now. I am still running 3-4 times a week, walking almost every day and yoga practice once a week. Although I am not “counting” what I eat, I am mindful and have not gone into free for all mode.

I am planning to take a Weights for Women (hand weights, resistance bands) class starting in July with Hamilton Parks and Rec. It’s just 9 weeks over the summer and will replace my yoga class until new classes start in the Fall, and hopefully teach me some basics that I can continue on my own.

My weight has been holding steady within 1.5 lbs either side of my lowest 196.5 and fluctuates on a daily basis depending on hydration, exercise, sodium, phase of the moon, colour of  my toenail polish….I can’t find the rhyme or reason or logic to it.

I am doing a 5k race tomorrow, Run For Wells, with my Running Room Crew girls and although I don’t feel ready to run a 5k race, I know I can run 5k so I’m focusing on just enjoying the scenery and the company and whatever my time is, it  is just a point in time right now. When I start to think about the slowness of my pace and if I compare myself to others – it brings my mood even further down and discourage me and that is the last thing I need in my life right now.  I’ll update my Events page at some point over the weekend.

Like my weight loss, my running progress has stalled and it may be partly a physical capability of needing to drop more weight before seeing a major improvement in pace and some of it is definitely mental because I am so focused on so many other things going on that I know when I’m running, my mind is not on the run but sorting through so many other issues.

I am enjoying the lovely weather we’re having and am trying to get outside as much as possible. Hiking is definitely on my agenda for the weekends all summer.  

Soul Searching

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. I haven’t been blogging because my thoughts have been very, very jumbled and all over the place. This is not just regarding weight loss but life in general although sometimes I find that it is hard to compartmentalize my life into boxes like that. It is even harder to compartmentalize my thoughts and feelings.

This past week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride and I have been faced with some truths and some changes in long term relationships/friendships that have made me re-evaluate my values, belief system and my priorities.

I am not trying to be mysterious, but the topics just aren’t appropriate for my blog.

So…moving along to weight loss and exercise – I’ve been maintaining 1-2 lbs up / down from my lowest at 196.3 – and actually saw 193 at one point - and although I was counting points/calories up until last week, I haven’t done so for about 5 days. I am still running 4 times a week, although I have been struggling during the workouts for the last few weeks and am not sure of the reason, whether its mental or physical. Oddly, I’ve started having shin splints the last two weeks but never had them before. If I run long enough, they work themselves out, but they sure do hurt at the time. I’m going to do an experiment this week and try different shoes and see what happens. Our next race is scheduled for May 26 – Run For Wells.

We started our 5k Clinic at the Running Room last night and I’m glad my running crew girls, (Bev, Leigh and Tanya) are still with me. They make it more fun and I never leave them without having laughed and laughed about something. It was worth joining just to have met them.

I’m not sure what’s up with the EAYGW Challenge, this past weekend was the first one I didn’t report a weigh in to Allan just because the challenge is coming to a close and really, I’m nowhere near winning or even in the running, and since I haven’t’ been tracking the last 5 days, I haven’t really been participating according to the rules. Allan hasn’t updated the weight log on his blog in several weeks with new weights reported, so maybe the challenge is over and I just wasn’t notified…who knows? Anyway, I did appreciate that it kept me focused on counting calories/carbs and noticing the effect on my body and energy level and it got me into the habit of drinking way more water than I had been, so in my mind, although I didn’t win the challenge, or even lose a lot of weight, it did instil some major changes in my habits that I think will stay with me. It also introduced me to some weight loss blogger superstars that have motivated and encouraged me along the way.

As to the not tracking, I’m still writing down what I eat but not weighing/measuring every bite. I’m only weighing and measuring foods that are high carb/high fat just to make sure I am eating the right portion size, but meat, vegetables, fruit – I’m just eating my normal portions and stopping when I’m full. Snacks are usually 10 almonds or a boiled egg or 4-5 strawberries – but I’ve not been eating snacks as regularly as I used to, I don’t find myself hungry during the day anymore and most nights after running I find I have no appetite at all and have to force/remind myself to eat something, even if its half a protein shake or a protein bar. I kind of wonder what the science behind that is, but haven’t taken the time to do any research or ask people who might now.

I had a great lunch with my friend Melissa yesterday. She is so motivational. She should be a Life Coach or motivational speaker for weight loss. She has the best attitude of any one I’ve ever met about this struggle/journey and has truly changed her attitude about so many things. I truly believe that attitude is the number one indicator of my success in everything I do.

Thinking Out Loud

Is a crappy run better than no run at all?

When I know I can’t give a run 100% because I’m tired, either physically or mentally, or my body hurts, or I don’t feel well – does it count to just do it anyway?  Is any exercise better than no exercise? Is it ever better to  just go to bed early and give it a miss or do something that nurtures the soul (for me, reading or quiet meditation or spending some time just talking to my kids) instead of pushing the body?

Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed by the demands of my life. Demands that I put on myself, mostly. Lately I have been feeling like I’m not doing anything well. I can’t keep up with running, I can’t keep up with housework and laundry and groceries and cooking, I can’t keep up with spending time with my friends and family, I hardly ever spend time with my boys outside of an hour or two in the evening (and not even every evening) and no matter what I decide to make a priority that day, it means something is falling lower on the list.

Getting healthy requires a lot of “me” time and lately, I feel like there isn’t enough me to go around, let alone finding time. And this is reflected in my progress lately – pretty much none. I’m holding my own but not doing anything well enough to make a difference. I’m not giving up, but I’m not gaining ground, or losing weight either.

Just thinking out loud. Feel free to chime in.

I know some of you have asked me about the Starbucks Hazel 5K – I will probably do a post at the weekend. I’m still digesting the experience.