May 15, 2012

Soul Searching

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. I haven’t been blogging because my thoughts have been very, very jumbled and all over the place. This is not just regarding weight loss but life in general although sometimes I find that it is hard to compartmentalize my life into boxes like that. It is even harder to compartmentalize my thoughts and feelings.
This past week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride and I have been faced with some truths and some changes in long term relationships/friendships that have made me re-evaluate my values, belief system and my priorities.
I am not trying to be mysterious, but the topics just aren’t appropriate for my blog.
So…moving along to weight loss and exercise – I’ve been maintaining 1-2 lbs up / down from my lowest at 196.3 – and actually saw 193 at one point - and although I was counting points/calories up until last week, I haven’t done so for about 5 days. I am still running 4 times a week, although I have been struggling during the workouts for the last few weeks and am not sure of the reason, whether its mental or physical. Oddly, I’ve started having shin splints the last two weeks but never had them before. If I run long enough, they work themselves out, but they sure do hurt at the time. I’m going to do an experiment this week and try different shoes and see what happens. Our next race is scheduled for May 26 – Run For Wells.
We started our 5k Clinic at the Running Room last night and I’m glad my running crew girls, (Bev, Leigh and Tanya) are still with me. They make it more fun and I never leave them without having laughed and laughed about something. It was worth joining just to have met them.
I’m not sure what’s up with the EAYGW Challenge, this past weekend was the first one I didn’t report a weigh in to Allan just because the challenge is coming to a close and really, I’m nowhere near winning or even in the running, and since I haven’t’ been tracking the last 5 days, I haven’t really been participating according to the rules. Allan hasn’t updated the weight log on his blog in several weeks with new weights reported, so maybe the challenge is over and I just wasn’t notified…who knows? Anyway, I did appreciate that it kept me focused on counting calories/carbs and noticing the effect on my body and energy level and it got me into the habit of drinking way more water than I had been, so in my mind, although I didn’t win the challenge, or even lose a lot of weight, it did instil some major changes in my habits that I think will stay with me. It also introduced me to some weight loss blogger superstars that have motivated and encouraged me along the way.
As to the not tracking, I’m still writing down what I eat but not weighing/measuring every bite. I’m only weighing and measuring foods that are high carb/high fat just to make sure I am eating the right portion size, but meat, vegetables, fruit – I’m just eating my normal portions and stopping when I’m full. Snacks are usually 10 almonds or a boiled egg or 4-5 strawberries – but I’ve not been eating snacks as regularly as I used to, I don’t find myself hungry during the day anymore and most nights after running I find I have no appetite at all and have to force/remind myself to eat something, even if its half a protein shake or a protein bar. I kind of wonder what the science behind that is, but haven’t taken the time to do any research or ask people who might now.
I had a great lunch with my friend Melissa yesterday. She is so motivational. She should be a Life Coach or motivational speaker for weight loss. She has the best attitude of any one I’ve ever met about this struggle/journey and has truly changed her attitude about so many things. I truly believe that attitude is the number one indicator of my success in everything I do.


  1. We all go thru peaks and valleys on this journey (and throughout Life, I suppose), but it sounds like you're still keyed in on keeping yourself healthy, and I say that's a good thing. You can lose a lot of hard-earned ground with an ill-timed backslide.

    Good luck!

  2. If I can help in anyway, you can call me....if I can't give you a fact or idea, I can put you in touch with someone who can help with the art and the science!
    You are pure awesomeness... and you inspire me!

  3. Peaks and valleys... I had a major valley this last week and stopped tracking for 2 days, which I almost never do. But today is a new day and I'm getting back on track. It can be really hard to stay on track when you have relationship stuff going on, that has been a huge challenge for me. If you ever need to vent or anything, feel free to email me!

  4. If Allan's challenge is over no one told me either. It's not just you.

    I think attitude is a huge factor. If you say to yourself that you can't do something, well you have just decided the outcome right there. On the other hand if you say to yourself I CAN do it, you've pretty much decided the outcome there too. It's all in the attitude.

    You can do it.

  5. I hope whatever you are experiencing passes and you rise on top! Friendships/relationships change. I was really sad this past weekend at one point when I was purposefully snubbed by two people I thought were my friends. It coincided with my boyfriend being out of town so I was definitely feeling sorry for myself.

    Make yourself a priority because you are worth it :)

  6. Just remember you are doing AMAZING. Your perseverance (even in the face of adversity) truly inspires me.

    Reason you should eat something after your workout - studies have shown that muscles are most receptive to rebuilding glycogen (stored glucose) stores within the first 30 minutes after exercise. If you eat soon after your workout, you can minimize muscle stiffness and soreness.

  7. (((hugs))) for you, and I am so proud of you for staying focused on your diet at a time when so many of us would just give up. Keep up the great work. and prays for the rest of it.

  8. Good luck working things out. It's hard to take a step back and see things from a useful perspective, but it can be helpful sometimes.


  9. Not over, still here.. Come back

  10. Getting through a tough day (especially a series of tough days) without throwing in the towel is a huge victory, I think. :) Keep up your great work!!!

  11. Whatever you are selling with you can handle. You are a very together lady. And you are totally right about attitude. It truly is the deciding factor.

  12. Glad to see you posting...I was wondering where you were and I was hoping you weren't struggling.

    Have a great long weekend Enz!

  13. I think just taking the time to write things out can help us understand our feelings and move forward. That is just what you did here! Cheers~