Nemesis

200 lbs has been my nemesis. Since gaining weight in young adulthood, I could always lose to about 200 lbs then regain quickly once I got discouraged that the work I was putting in was not showing results.

I have lost hundreds of pounds, the same 50-60 lbs over and over again.

When I re-started this last time in 2016, I said it was the last time, that I was not regaining back up to 250 lbs and not re-losing those pounds.  I was not going to let myself be distracted. This time I made the commitment that this is for life and I am 'trying to lose' for the rest of my life and that results in just not regaining - that would be still be better than regaining.

This is the longest I have maintained around 200 (or less) EVER. It has been a year with my lowest at 183 and where I am currently sitting at 203.  20 lbs might seem like a big range, and it is but truthfully I was in the 180's for barely a minute.  My body seems to like 200 lbs and it is going to take a lot more effort and work to get back to the 180's and maybe lower.

Yesterday I reconnected with an old blogger friend who has also been struggling and we committed to doing this together.  I'm going back to what worked last year. Three meals a day, a small snack before bed (so I don't wake up starving and wanting to eat everything in sight) and walking 30-45 min every day.  It also helped to weigh everyday.  I don't get caught up with daily fluctuations, I know if I gain 3 lbs over night it's not fat and if I lose 3 lbs over night its also not fat but it does help me focus. I use Happy Scale which does a 7 or 10 day average and shows weight loss over time based on the daily entries and that is a motivator for me.

Although I am up 20lbs from my lowest, the clothes still fit and look good. A few are even too big.  For sure, the hiking has been trimming my waist, butt and thighs. My arms are shrinking but will always be a problem and always unsightly, but a few weeks ago I went to a beach and wore a bathing suit outside for the first time in over 20 years. You know what? No one cared. No one died, no one tore their eyes out, no one ran screaming from me - no one cared.  Except me, and after awhile, I didn't either. I enjoyed the sun, the sand and the surf.

I've also been emailing 3-4 x a week with another blogger which has been a huge help because she has been, and continues to be successful and we have similar goals and stressors. It really does help to connect with like-minded people and share the struggles and successes. I think we all *know* what to do, but having support to do it makes all the difference.  So...thank you T and M for being in my court.