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Aug 22, 2016

Running after the wagon

I was doing great - in a groove! Then got thrown off the wagon by a few overly stressful days and now I am desperately running trying to catch up to the wagon...I am almost there - can touch it with the tips of my fingers - just got to get a strong hold and  I can jump back on.

Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of Den's death. This second year was much harder than the first year. The second Christmas, the second birthday, the second Father's Day - all without him were unbearably sad and bleak.  I think the first year, we (myself and our boys) were numb and just going through the motions. This year, the reality set in. He's gone. He's really and truly gone.

I booked tomorrow off work. I am not sure what I will do. I would like to do something to celebrate his life.  I don't want to spend all day sad in memories and crying like last year. He would never want that for any of us.

I guess I won't know what I want to do until I wake up tomorrow morning..,...but not having a plan is dangerous for me. I have been withdrawing, albeit slowly, from life. Hardly go out, hardly see anyone, given up on my hiking and walking ..... and although I know rationally that this is not a good thing I can't seem to find the impetus to JUST DO IT.

My weight is holding steady - 228-230....and although my blood sugar has been higher the last few days (due to being off the wagon), today is the first day that it is back in the normal range and I am being conscious about what I'm eating, so it should come back down in a day or two.

One day at a time. Tomorrow's goal is just that - get through the day.


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